Email: michelle at fromsadtoraw dot com
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January 5, 2009
Day 1. Remember that from 2004? Five years ago. Life sure has changed in 5 years. And here I am again, starting over. Trying to figure out what works, what doesn't, what I want to do, what I don't want to do. All that jazz. I've gained weight, I'm not happy. I'm depressed and trying to figure out what I want to do for a career. You know, i should say, I WAS depressed. I'm actually doing better now. Today is Day 1 again, trying to eat healthy, live healthy again. We bought two new bikes over Christmas, cleaned out the kitchen of crap, went grocery shopping and are doing it together. We're not raw. We're not cooked. We're going for healthy. I'm not going to do a daily list of exactly what I eat and exactly how I exercise, because that's caused stress, pressure and failure for me in the past. But when I journal, I'll write what feels comfortable to share. I might list the food, I might not, but I probably won't list exacts - measurements, etc. And I'll do great, we'll do great. We want to be happy, healthy, fit, energized, all that stuff.
Food: clementines, banana, fruit leather, berry Nutri Grain bar, raisins, Thai noodles, boiled corn, salad, steamed rosemary new potatoes, piece of Naan (no buttah), unsweetened iced tea, water, and I'm about to make us an almond milk-banana-pecan-vanilla-agave nectar "milkshake" for dessert
January 6, 2009
We were so tired last night (clearly from detox) that right after we drank the "milkshakes," we went to bed. I was asleep by 9:00 pm, which is about 3 hours earlier than most nights. We're achey and cranky and so exhausted. It's amazing to me that after only one day of eating healthy, we'd start feeling the symptoms of detox. I mean, I certainly acknowledge that it could be psychosomatic, but it truly feels like the flu. Today I ate great again and worked all day, so that helped keep my mind off crap cravings. We're not doing any exercise the first several days of the detox process. We'll start walking, biking and doing the workout tapes again by the weekend.
Right now we're watching the season premier of The Biggest Loser. It's so cool that we're watching this at the same time we're working our own challenge of weight loss. Year after year that I watch the show, the contestants get bigger and bigger. They are super morbidly obese, and doing weight loss the right way...I mean as right as standard Americans on "diets" can. They are eating healthier, they are exercising (like fiends I'm sure). There's one guy who has had weight loss surgery before, and now he's on a weight loss show, as a morbidly obese individual. If that doesn't tell us just how wrong those surgeries are for humans, I don't know what does.
Food: bowl of flax cereal, almonds and raisins with almond milk, cup of cranberry apple juice, clementine, banana, apple, raisins, Nutri Grain cereal bar, Trader Joe's spring onion rice noodle bowl, 1 Jason's Deli pumpkin seed cracker, unsweet iced tea, handful toasted almond slivers, water, salad with light Thousand Island dressing (it's vegan), steamed rosemary new potatoes, corn, unsweet iced tea, "milkshake" of banana, agave nectar, pecans, vanilla, almond milk, ice
January 7, 2009
Made it through Day 3. Those are usually the hardest. Then at about 2 weeks, I'm sure we'll have another rough patch. Steph actually had a headache so bad today she had to take the second half of the day off. I haven't had any headaches, and only had complete exhaustion the first two days. I did have a bout of diarrhea today. I was going to have to go to Hooter's for lunch today for a co-workers last day, but she called in sick (what!? who calls in sick on their last day, especially when there is a lunch in their going away honor)...so my colleague (also our roommate) and I went to the cafeteria to get lunch (since we hadn't brought anything to eat). I returned to the salad bar like a long lost friend. I'd spent the last two months visiting the cafeteria for lunch, only going through the "fried" line to get a grilled cheese sandwich, pizza or fries. Now I feel like I'm having to ask for forgiveness to the salad bar that I've neglected. ha
Food: bowl of flax cereal with raisins, almonds and almond milk, cranapple juice, unsweet iced tea, raisins, clementines, gala apple, fruit leather, Nutri Grain cereal bar, reheated corn, saltine crackers, pretzels, cashews
January 10, 2009
We're doing great. Eating right and exercising. Lots of fruit, salads, steamed veggies, nuts, celery and the like. It's going well, though we both are feeling cravings. Tonight I got vegetarian meatballs out of the freezer and cooked them in water and fat free Italian dressing in a skillet. Steph doesn't like em, but I added them to my cooked corn and steamed red potatoes, along with a salad for dinner. I've been making "milkshakes" whenever Steph's sweet tooth gets the best of her.
We rode our bikes to the ferry last night and took the ferry over to Norfolk. We then rode our bikes through downtown to a Thai restaurant I was wanting to try. We had a wonderful time and ate very well - we got a bowl of vegetable soup, a bowl of tofu soup and an entree of mixed vegetables in garlic sauce with cashews. It was all very good, but we were sad we didn't get to have fresh spring rolls, which weren't on the menu at this restaurant.
January 13, 2009
Down 5 pounds. It's encouraging, but what I'd like to know is how do I schedule 6-8 hours of my day to working out, like they do on Biggest Loser? (what the fuck!!!!) Did anyone else catch Jerry mention that they work out for 6-8 hours a day. Yea, that is sooooo not normal. Aside from our Friday night bike ride, we have been negligent in exercising. When I get home from work at night, it's dark, and the last thing I seem to want to do is go outside again and exercise. I know in order to lose weight, we have to do both healthy eating AND exercise.
Eating's going well. I bought some flatbread at the store, instead of the tortillas I had planned. I also bought Steph some sliced smoked turkey breast, cause she's having a difficult time. I figure if she can avoid the cheese and avoid the burgers, I'll give her some healthier options. I made her a turkey flatbread thing last night - with some lettuce, tomatoes, black olives and cucumbers, with a side of roasted potatoes. We've been having our "milkshakes" and I made a "truffle" type dessert of cacao, natural peanut butter, agave nectar, vanilla, almond milk and mesquite powder, rolled in chopped pecans.
January 17, 2009
The other night I had a complete meltdown, itching in my skin, having these unnatural turrets type spasms, where I would just yell out and cuss and wiggle around on the couch, like a child who can not control their legs as they learn to walk. It was very frustrating, both for myself, and for Steph, when nothing seemed to ease my anxiety. I was totally having a detox night, where I could have killed someone for a pizza or chips or anything not good for me. I was better the next day, but that night was horrendous.
We went grocery shopping today. $92 at Trader Joe's and another $80 at Wal-Mart. Jeez, healthy grocery shopping is expensive! I am really starting to love eating healthy, even if isn't raw or anything. But eating vegan and more importantly, healthy vegan, has really shown me how yummy it can be, and filling, yet not making me feel fat, and bloated and gross. I know both Steph and I have lost only a few pounds, and I know it has to do with the fact that we're not exercising on a regular basis, like we "should," but it's so fucking cold here and by the time I get home from work it's dark, and blah blah blah. We have Biggest Loser workout dvds that we can do, so we truly have no excuses.
K, that's it.
January 23, 2009
We're doing good. Eating lots of clementines, raisins, seeds, nuts, salads, veggie wraps, steamed veggies. And we're walking. I even jogged again a little the other night. We're both down several more pounds. 7 for me. 8 for her. It's going good, though in Biggest Loser terms, we'd be "losers," not losing the 10-20 pounds a week like every one on there does. On this past Tuesday's episode, one of the rewards for winning a challenge was 24 hours with your trainer. I was thinking, what's the big excitement about that? I mean if I had that, that would mean a few hours of working out. But then it hit me. They work out like 6-8 hours a day. So 24 hours with your trainer would be like 10-14 hours - if they had them from noon one day to noon the next. Sheesh, I must NOT try to live up to Biggest Loser weekly weight loss numbers. They are SO not realistic. We're doing the best we can, given that we are forcing ourselves to walk at this point, and staiving off fast food cravings like mad.
Oh that reminds me, we discovered the absolute best "fast" healthy food. Subway, it appears, has traded the tortilla wraps for flatbread wraps. And holy hell are they delicious. I got Steph a turkey one last night (yes, she's doing some "lean" turkey and chicken on a minimal basis), and I got a veggie patty one. Oh it's like we died and went to heaven. Had them with Baked Lays. Low fat and so satisfying. A bit salty for my taste, but still good. No, it's not raw. But again, we're just striving for healthy at this point, and eating as much raw as we can, usually in the form of fruit and salads.
February 3, 2009
We've been eating really well, but we have not been losing weight. I've lost a total of 8 pounds. Steph has lost 8 pounds. Watching Biggest Loser, we'd have an, oh, negative 10 million percent weight loss. Not really, but that's what it feels like. BUT, we did SO good tonight. About 45 minutes into the first hour of Biggest Loser, whenever one of the guys said something about how when he was at home he would watch tv for like three hours. I mentioned that we watch more than that every day! And what kind of weight loss would we be having if we actually worked out as much as watched tv. Sooooo, for the last hour and fifteen minutes, we worked out while we watched the show. I jogged and Steph did various workout activities. During the commercials, we'd rest. It was awesome. I felt so good and we both were sweaty and stinky afterwards. We said that from now on, when we spend hours watching our favorite shows (Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends, Seinfeld, The Office, Intervention, and The Biggest Loser) we will exercise during the show and rest during the breaks. What a major difference that would make. I mean, it's kinda disgusting to watch people sweating like hell on The Biggest Loser, while we sit on the couch and complain about our own fledgling weight loss.
March 11, 2009
Hi. It's me.
Do you hate yourself MORE when you watch Biggest Loser? Yea. Me too. I remember that feeling of losing 5 pounds, 10 pounds, working out like a mad woman. And then I look at myself in the reflection of the tv. Sitting on the couch. Watching other people changing their lives. That must be a good feeling. I remember that feeling. I hope there are some of you out there doing more exercise than I am. A leisurely bike ride or a brief walk with the dogs does not a workout make, now does it?
Anyway, I am still here. And it's still the same ole me. Unfortunately.
March 20, 2009
I received a couple of nice things this week...
In my email box, I received this message:
"Michelle, you are NOT the same ol' person...you're on an ongoing journey and getting better all the time, no matter what you weigh. I never watch the greatest loser (I don't watch much tv) but I do know that every little bit counts...walking the dog, getting some fresh air even if you don't walk or riding a bike...they're all good. The best exercise is what's done unconsciously, what's fun and refreshing..so they may not be a "workout" per se but all movement counts towards good health. Take heart, you'll get where you need to go, when you need to get there."
Oh and last month a reader sent in this email...I kept meaning to share, so here it is. If you know me at all, you'll know I'm not one to go for green smoothies, but I bet there are others who would!
"I've been drinking the green smoothies and eating raw for a about a month now and lost about 10 lbs. Also, I do not have any cravings and feel absolutely fabulous. Plus, it is so easy. You just use a Vita-Mix or Blendtec blender and put in the following:2 cups of water, 2-3 pieces of fruit, 2-4 cups of dark green veggies; You can add flavorings like stevia and vanilla bean, ginger, etc. You can get a great recipe on the website www.greensmoothiegirl.com
March 29, 2009
I lost another pound. Steph lost 4 this week. We're working on it. We're jogging during tv shows, we're counting calories. I told her I guess I don't mind losing weight with the counting calorie method, but that once I've lost the weight, I want to go back to eating the natural, healthy, vegan way. I'm still vegetarian, of course, but am not currently vegan. Just watching calorie intake and trying to exercise. Oh my...how MANY ways must I try to lose weight, just to avoid going back to high raw? So absurd, I'm aware.
March 31, 2009
Steph and I went jogging last night and tonight. We're not sure of the distance yet, because we don't have a pedometer and we haven't driven the route yet. But man does it feel good. We did the jog some, walk some, jog some, walk some. I can't believe she's finally agreed to jog with me. It's such a great thing to have someone willing to do the kind of exercise that I really believe in. I get the best results through jogging and cardio in general. We're still doing the calorie counting thing --- er I should say she counts, I just keep an eye on my intake each day. I really think there's something to the "calories in, calories out" concept. It is so interesting the way society goes through the variety of weight loss theories...low fat, low carb, low cal....
Oh and I wanted to tell yall that I wrote to Subway and asked for nutritional details for the Gardenburger and the VegiMax patty. They sent me the information, and when I asked if I could share the shocking results with you, the response I received was, "I can only suggest you refer your friends to Subway website www.subway.com for the information." Such a bullshit response, considering the website does NOT offer the details of the two vegetarian "meats." What I will say is that I will never again assume I'm eating a healthy, vegan, low-fat, low-calorie sub when I order one of these from Subway....(I'm not saying I won't eat them, I just know better now...thank you Annette, for prompting my search for the info.)
PS Was anyone else floored by Biggest Loser tonight when Nicole's "immunity" was taken away from her when she had gained weight....um, isn't that what fricken immunity means? Sneaky sneaky sneaky, Biggest Loser producers.
April 1, 2009
There was a good article on Yahoo yesterday about the best foods for a flat belly. Here's a link to it... Lots of new info for me in it. So glad I like bell peppers. I don't care for grapefruit though, no matter how many times I've tried it...It's just too bitter to me. The idea of it and the smell of it is great, but that's as far as I can get.
We jogged again tonight. It is feeling so wonderful to be outside, jogging down the streets of our neighborhood. It's quite empowering.
April 3, 2009
Lost another pound. Going in the right direction. We've jogged all week, 4 nights in a row. Feels so wonderful to be actually and really exercising again.
April 7, 2009
I'm feeling really good. Jogging every night. The only day we didn't was Saturday and instead we rode bikes down to the sea wall and around downtown. Our jogging is getting more intense. I'm pushing us to jog more than we walk. We're doing about a mile of jogging and a half a mile of walking. My goal for now is to get to jogging the whole 1 1/2 mile loop we do in our neighborhood. I told Steph I expect us to be doing that by the end of April. Then by the end of May, be up to a 2 mile jog, and so on. The exercise is making all the difference in our goal of not snacking after 8 pm. And I'm not even drinking anything but water and flavored water at home anymore. We've replaced the tea pitcher with water, and I'm only drinking non-water beverages when we go out. That is a MAJOR accomplishment for anyone who has been following my journal over the years.
PS Lost another pound since the 3rd.
April 9, 2009
I have no idea if this information where this originated from. It arrived in my inbox, and like I normally do, I'm sharing the info with you all here. Take it for what it's worth. It certainly can't HURT to pay attention to the list, that's for sure.
PS I'm thinking about creating a separate site for me to journal on, since I'm still working on weight loss, but I'm not doing it through raw foods. Thinking I might keep this site for raw specific and open it up to journalers who truly are doing a high raw diet (75-80% or more), and making the other site a weight loss through non-surgical, non-prescription drug, non-supplement, non-"miracle/quick/ridiculous" ways, and having journalers who are trying various methods be on there with me...exercise, weight watchers, calorie counting, healthy vegetarian, etc. methods...Just something I'm thinking about. This site is such a blessing for so many people, but I feel like at this point, it's serving more as simply a raw resource than a place I can legitimately journal every day. And I love to journal, but I don't want to have guilt about doing whatever it is I'm doing (calorie counting, doing mostly cooked, etc.)...if you have comments about this idea, let me know.
April 11, 2009
We went to the Back Bay Wildlife Refuge in Virginia Beach yesterday. We rode our bikes from the Little Island Park, through Back Bay all the way to the False Cape State Park and another 2 miles through a Virginia Wildlife & Birding Trail...then back. In total it was a 14 mile bike ride. It wasn't hard either. Beautiful weather, nice pace, gravel and sand roads.
Afterwards, we picnicked on the beach at Little Island Park. There were hardly any people on the beach, and for a while we couldn't figure out why. It's a beautiful, empty, sandy beach with big crashing waves and a fishing pier. Then the winds picked up...yea, that's why. We're STILL picking sand out of every bodily orifice. I'm pretty sure we ate a few ounces of grit with our lunch.
We're at Panera now, doing some work and then we're gonna run when we get home...Jog, whatever...You know what I mean. I'm down another 1/2 pound. Steph is upset at how slow the weight loss is going. I'm not. I can feel in my body how the exercise is changing me, physically and mentally. The scale means nothing really, not when you can see it in your clothes, in your face, in your rolls...lol.
PS Amazon sent me an email that they're having Earth Day Specials... Click the banner below....
April 18, 2009
I have a huge sense of accomplishment that I ran a mile straight tonight (I ran it gay of course, but I mean without stopping - wah wah waah). I have an even bigger sense of accomplishment that it was at 11:00 at night, in a neighborhood that turns scary after dark, and after a dinner of not-healthy Mexican food, when I would have much rather sat on the couch and watched "Locked Up." Aside from the obvious Mexican food part, I consider it all progress indeed.
April 21, 2009
Exercised for an hour and 45 minutes tonight. We jogged and did arm weights/lunges while watching The Biggest Loser and took breaks during commercials. I was sweating something crazy, as I tried to book it harder during their last chance workouts.
Have been running almost every night and am back to riding my bike to the ferry and from the ferry to the office, and then back home each evening.
So I have the exercise part down, but I can't say a lot for eating a healthy vegan diet. Still vegetarian, of course. But am not vegan and am still doing the calorie watching thing...Not actually calorie counting, because I don't watch it exactly each day, like staying to 1,200 calories, but am definitely choosing lower calorie snacks, adding more fruits and vegetables, and things like that.
As I watch The Biggest Loser, and see Kristin and Tara talking about how the changes they have made are inspiring others to make life changes as well...and then I remember how that used to be me. I had lost so much weight on raw, was really living the high raw lifestyle and had nothing but good things happening to my body, mind and spirit. I can't say that any more. The site should really be called, "I'm exercising and trying every possible method other than high raw in order to lose the weight I have gained back....dot com." That might already be taken though, huh?
Oh well. It is what it is, and I am who I am...for now at least.
May 1, 2009
I hate the scale. I hate the scale. I hate the scale. I haven't weighed in several weeks, so we went to weigh today, and holy crap, not one pound lost. I hate the scale. Poor Steph, she lost 2 pounds, which is 2 more than I lost and she's still so upset. What in the world? I know I don't eat great, but jeez, we're jogging nearly every single night, and I ride my bike to and from the ferry many days a week. And ever since I heard Jillian on Biggest Loser say, the theory that "muscle weighs more than fat, so I must just be gaining muscle" is a load of crap when you're fat, I can't help but think I'm just not doing enough. I am not ready to go back to high raw. I don't WANT to go back to high raw yet, let's be honest here. Damn. I hate when I know what I have to do and am refusing to do it.
Site News: Watch for a new journaler joining us next week....
Well here's something completely off topic, but good to think about none-the-less...courtesy of the Bank of America Environmental Network (where I am currently working)...
How to Go Green: Cleaning
Cleaning products are everywhere in our homes and offices: on dishes, countertops, furniture, clothes, floors, windows, and floating through the air. In our war on dirt and germs we may often actually be making things worse.
Most of the conventional cleaning products we all grew up with are petroleum-based and have dubious health and environmental implications. Instead of opting for cleaning products that annihilate everything in their path, there are plenty of natural products and methods that keep a house clean and fresh-smelling without the toxic side effects.
1.Employ green cleaning products
As the health and environmental impacts of conventional cleaning products become more thoroughly understood, more and more brands of healthy, green, and effective cleaning products have started hitting the market and competing for that coveted place of honor under your sink. Many of these products are non-toxic, biodegradable, and made from renewable resources (not petroleum). But if designer labels aren’t for you, home-mixed cleaners can get the job done and then some. Vinegar and baking soda can be used to clean almost anything. Mix in a little warm water with either of these and you’ve got yourself an all-purpose cleaner.
2.Avoid poor indoor air quality
It is not uncommon for the air inside a home or office to be more toxic than the air outside. This is because of the presence of toxic materials and substances and the fact that homes and buildings are better insulated than ever before (which is a good thing from an energy standpoint). Keeping windows open as often as possible allows fresh air in and keep toxins flowing out. This is especially important when cleaning your home.
3.Be careful with antibacterial cleaners
The antibacterial and antimicrobial 'cleaners' that many people think are necessary, especially during cold season, don’t clean hands better than soap and water, and also add to the risk of breeding "super germs," bacteria that survive the chemical onslaught and have resistant offspring. The FDA has found that antibacterial soaps and hand cleansers do not work better than regular soap and water, and should be avoided.
4.Help your home smell baking soda-licious
Baking soda not only removes those strange smells coming from your fridge, it's also a great odor-eliminator for your carpet. Just sprinkle on a little baking soda to soak up some of those odors and then vacuum it up.
5.Clean your indoor air naturally
Skip the store-bought air fresheners and instead try boiling cinnamon, cloves, or any other herbs you have a fondness for. Fresh chocolate chip cookies also have been known to create a friendly aroma. Also, plants may not make your house smell different but are good for filtering interior air--pretty much any broad green leaf plant will do. Peace Lilies are a favorite choice.
6.Toss toxic cleaners carefully
When replacing your cleaning products, don’t just throw the old ones in the trash. If they're too toxic for your home, they won’t be good for the drain or the landfill either. Many communities hold toxics & electronics recycling days and will take all of these off your hands. Throwing chemicals in the trash or down the drain means they might end up back in your water supply and come back to haunt you.
7.Avoid conventional dry cleaners
Conventional dry cleaners are the largest users of the industrial solvent called Perchloroethylene, or perc, which is toxic to humans and also creates smog. The two most common green dry cleaning methods are carbon dioxide cleaning and Green Earth. Seek out cleaners that use green methods. If you do take clothes to conventional cleaners, be sure to air them outside before wearing them or putting them in the closet.
8.Employ a green house cleaning service
For people don’t have the time to clean their own homes, fortunately there are an increasing number of green cleaning services out there to help get things spic and span. If you can’t find one in your area (or their rates are outlandish), call around until you find a service willing to use the products and methods you specify.
9.Leave the toxins at the door
Imagine what’s on your shoes at the end of the day. Bringing that oil, antifreeze, animal waste, particulate pollution, pollen, and who knows what else into the house is not good news, especially for kids and other critters that spend time on floor level. Keep the sidewalk out of your home with a good doormat or a shoeless house policy. Many green buildings now include entryway track-off systems as a means of maintaining a healthy interior environment. Less dirt also means less sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming, which means less work, water, energy, and fewer chemicals.
10. Design with clean in mind
Designing houses and other building with clean ability in mind can create spaces that are cleaner, healthier, and require fewer substances to maintain. In larger buildings, good clean ability can also be a big money-saver as cleaning costs can often add up to as much as half of a building’s total energy costs.
I feel like I'm "back." Back to wanting to make healthy choices. Back to really wanting to be thin again. Back to wanting to have pride in myself again. I'm NOT going to jinx it though. I'm just taking it a day at a time. A meal at a time. A snack at a time. I'm going to try my best, do my best, be my best. And not make excuses for my choices. What they are, they are. I'll be honest with my food intake, my exercise activities, my weight, and my feelings about it all.
Food Log:
- bowl of multi-grain/flax flakes cereal with almond milk
- 8 oz orange juice (pasteurized, not from concentrate)
- large unsweet iced tea
- clementine
- Quaker Fiber and Omega granola bar
- Progresso Hearty Tomato soup with a handful of Saltines
- larg fuji apple
- snack box of raisins
- half glass ice water
- Olive Garden - 2 bowls minestrone soup, 2 plates salad (no croutons, but did use their Italian dressing), no bread and no dessert; small cup of coffee with 1 of their sugar packets and splash of cream (this eating out experience was impressive as both Steph and our roommate ordered "typical" Olive Garden meals)
- 1/2 bottle of water (after our run)
- 2 strawberries, swig of orange juice
Exercise:
- going out now for a mile jog
- rode my bike to and from the ferry, and to and from work to the ferry
Weight:
274 (yep, you heard right - the From SAD to RAW woman has CLEARLY been living more SAD than RAW the last year)
Oh and welcome, Wendy!
May 5, 2009
Another excellent day of eating well and exercise and a positive attitude to boot. I've already come light years from last week, hell from even this past weekend. For some reason, I'm not obsessing about food like I was, which is quite shocking. In the last year I have thought about little else. While things in my life started to shift in some not so wonderful ways, I turned, once again, to food for comfort. This is going to be a lifelong challenge for me. I'm going to struggle with weight loss, cravings, desires to binge, self-loathing, self-control and the issue with comfort eating, probably forever. I just don't want the struggle to beat me, year after year. So I'm going to give this another shot. I'll journal my feelings, my daily food intake, my exercise activities and my progress with the scales. I'm not "raw." I'm not even "high raw." But I'm making MUCH healthier choices the last few days and feeling the positive effects. Just gotta keep going.
Food Log:
- bowl multi-grain/flax flakes cereal with almond milk
- 8 oz orange juice
- large unsweetened iced tea (nursed all day long)
- banana with 1/2 snack baggie of raw pecans
- vegetarian chili and a handful of Saltines, 2 pretzel twists (homemade veggie chili is Morningstar crumbles, can of diced tomatoes, water and spices)
- Quaker True Delights granola bar
- clementine (nevermind, took two bites and threw it out, ugh)
- tried another clementine (better this time)
- orange
- snack baggie of pretzel twists (minus the two I had earlier in the day)
- large salad of lettuce, tomato, celery, carrot, cucumber, raw almonds/cashews, dried cranberries with Green Goddess dressing
- large handful celery sticks with all natural peanut butter
- glass of Sprite Zero
- "milkshake" - almond milk, frozen bananas, raw pecans, vanilla extract (last minute while we watched The Biggest Loser)
Exercise:
- 1 mile jog
- rode my bike to and from the ferry, and to and from work to the ferry
May 6, 2009
It's late and I'm super tired. Will post tomorrow --- but I ate great and ran 1.25 miles tonight, again without stopping. Good day!
May 7, 2009
Started my period. God, just KNOWING I'm on my period seems to make me think I need to eat. It's so psychosomatic. I don't have my food list from yesterday, but I ate very healthy.... We're very broke right now (my work contract is officially ending in 3 weeks and our income will be drastically reduced --- yes I've been searching for a job --- I've applied for over 200 jobs in the last year, with only two interviews and no job offers, it's tough out there!!!)...any way, my point of saying that is that we're not going to go grocery shopping until we finish everything in the house. So in my food log, you'll see some quite random foods listed. It is what it is. It's not the worst foods I could be eating, but it's definitely not going to reflect what we will be eating once we have a cleared out the kitchen, minus a few low-cal items that we are still wanting right now.
Food Log:
- Honey Nut Cheerios, almond milk
- unsweetened iced tea
- banana with dry roasted/unsalted peanuts
- a few strawberries (they tasted horrible --- why are they SO good when you pull them out of the grocery bag, but after a few days in the fridge, ick)
- EasyMac alfredo pasta cup
- snack baggie pretzels
- handful Saltines
- sugar-free tapioca pudding cup
- sandwich: 2 pieces bread, fake turkey slices, lettuce, tomato, mustard, 2 sugar-free sweet gherkins, 100 cal cheese-its package
- Sprite Zero
- orange juice
- celery and peanut butter
- water flavored with sugar-free Hawaiian punch powder packet
Exercise:
- rode my bike to and from the ferry, and to and from work to the ferry; no jogging tonight
May 9, 2009
No excuses. My menu yesterday (Cheerios with almond milk, spaghetti with vegan burger meat, peanut butter and strawberry preserves sandwich) and probably for the next week is a result of not having anything healthy in the kitchen and not currently having money to go to the grocery store. It is what it is. I'm not overeating, which is a big accomplishment. And I'm exercising --- we walked the dogs more than 3 miles late last night. But until money comes in, I'm definitely not eating what I want to be eating.
Added later....we walked another 3 miles today, this time to the Gosport Arts Festival to walk around, then home. It was very hot out and we sweated like mad the whole afternoon...and we didn't bring nearly enough water to keep from getting dehydrated. I was so tired when we got home, instead of going out to the beach like we planned, we took an hour and a half nap. Food for today was primarily the same, but I've outlined it below.
Food Log:
- Cheerios and almond milk - spaghetti
- more spaghetti and a piece of Laughing Cow cheese italian toast
- 100 calorie rice crispy treat
- orange, apple, celery with peanut butter
- water throughout the day
Exercise: 3 mile walk
May 12, 2009
Waaaah. I really wanted Tara-the-unbeatable-ridiculously-impressive-weight-loss-champion to win. But no, it was Helen. Why does she bug me? I don't know. I realized (I was assisted in realizing) just how negative I was being when Steph glared over at me from her floor crunches to inform me that commenting on Helen's "am-I-a-role-model-or-a-prostitute-slut-o-dress" was quite rude. Does jealousy really come out so ugly? I guess so. Boni, my ex, keeps telling me I should go on The Biggest Loser. Um, yea. Hello, I'm Michelle. I lost all this weight in an uber healthy way, and then...oh what was that? I gained a large percentage of it back? Yes, please take me. I deserve it...unlikely. Unlikely that I would want to show the world the success I've had, and the success that I lost. Ok, stop. I'm done. And I'm also done talking to myself.
Eating is same ole same ole...Still finishing off the food in the kitchen. The color has nearly disappeared from the hanging wire baskets where apples, oranges, lemons and bananas typically hang. Now the bakers stand and corner cabinet is filled with cardboard colored items, mostly Great Value brands. Living paycheck to paycheck is bad on the diet.
PS We did eat 3 oranges and an apple for dessert tonight...they just happened to be the last 3 pieces of non-canned fruit in the house. Sad.
May 13, 2009
AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I just wanna scream. And cry. And eat. And give up. And be thin again. And resign myself to being fat forever. And comfort Steph. And ask the Universe "why?"
I look in the mirror each morning, while I choose between the two pair of pants I wear to work each day, and I do not see the person who is working hard to exercise and lose the weight she gained back. I wanna scream out in anger that walking 3 miles a night or jogging a mile a night, riding my bike, doing crunches and arm weights while watching The Biggest Loser...that NONE of that is making a damn bit of fucking difference. That portion control, cutting out the fast food, the sodas, the excess snacking, adding more fruits, blah fucking blah ---- that NONE of that is doing a thing to move the scale. It's all so tiring. And I'm SO bored with thinking about food and diet and fat and thin every gawd damn day, every minute. I just want to scream, "Enough!"
I do not want to be one of those people who has to think about any of this. I want to not have this site, nor ever had to have this site. Why couldn't I have chosen a different addiction? Alcohol was a breeze to let go of, compared to this.
I just want to breathe again. And smile....Oh and of course, be thin. <sigh>
May 18, 2009
Nothing much good to say. I had baked potato soup for dinner (from a Wind & Willow mix that Boni sent us for my birthday); but that's not the worst part. The really unbelievable thing is that 3/4 of the way through the bowl, Steph asked, "Um, is there bacon in this?" I scoffed at her and said, "No! It only said "contains wheat, milk and soy" on the package; along with "garnish with shredded cheddar and bacon." But then, all of a sudden, I looked at the bottom of the bowl and saw bits of reddish meaty pieces. Oh. My. God. I ran to the trash can to find the package. Gulp. I read the hundred ingredients and gasped. Bacon! AND Chicken Fat. Oh jeez. It wasn't bad enough that I'm eating this creamy, fatty soup. I felt like throwing up. I immediately called Boni and started wailing about how I just ate meat for the first time since May 2003..."Remember? Remember? The last time I ate meat was when we went to The Inn and I ate a plate of bacon. And now I've just eaten bacon!" She informed me of three things. 1.) The soup was for Steph; 2.) Learn how to read labels; and 3.) I didn't eat a plate of bacon in May 2003, I ate a *pig* of bacon.
It's been two hours and I can STILL taste that smoky, gristly, nastiness. It's like I had a drink after 8 years of sobriety. It really was disheartening. I'll be in mourning about this for a while.
May 22, 2009
Nothing to report right now. But here are some vegetarian jokes I found in the Vegetarian Times magazine:
- A couple sit down in a diner. The husband orders a burger, his wife orders a veggie burger. The waitress yells to the cook, "Two burgers, one regular and one de-calf."
- Why does vegan cheese taste so bad?.....Because it isn't tested on mice. (bad animal rights joke)
- Why did the tofu cross the road?.....To prove he wasn't chicken.
- A man walks into the doctor's office with carrots in his nose and broccoli coming out of each ear, and says: "hey doc, I still think I'm not eating right."
- What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?.....Someone who lost their veg-inity!
- If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
- Did you know vegetarians are going to solve the energy crisis?.....They produce enough gas to eliminate our dependence on fossil fuels forever. (that couldn't be a raw joke, cause I didn't have HALF the gas as a raw foodist as I do as a plain ole vegetarian)
- How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?.....Two: one to change it, and one to check for animal ingredients.
May 23, 2009
Went to the Pungo Strawberry Festival in Virginia Beach today. We picked strawberries...actually Steph picked, I ate. I'd eat 5 then put 1 in the bucket. I stuffed myself on them. It was hot, but fun. Oh and I paid $4.00 for an unsweet iced tea. Nice. I did pass on the strawberry shortcake that Steph got --- aside from a bite sample that was given to us as we walked the Festival. Not too bad.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I got dissed by Dwight's Dad this week. That's my humorous way of saying Rainn Wilson (of The Office) and his father have a website where they are inviting artists to submit their work for consideration of being included on their website....I submitted my Isle of Innis website for consideration and got a polite email back from Robert Wilson (hence Dwight's Dad), saying, "thanks but no thanks." Basically, my work isn't "contemporary" enough; i.e. my photography does not come close to crayon scrawls or paint splatter on a canvas. Dang, I always forget how much my work sucks.
June 1, 2009
I never thought I'd get back here. But I'm here!!! Last week I committed myself that after this past weekend was over (I turned 35 on Saturday), I would start my new life again, for real this time. I ate crap all weekend and weighed last night. 280.4 pounds. Yep, gained 6 more pounds just by eating like an American. So here it is, 9:41 am EST, and I'm journaling and eating a large bowl of strawberries, oranges and bananas. And I'm so excited. I have psyched myself up for this and am ready to go! I got laid off on Friday, happy birthday to me. I knew it was coming as I had been kept on in the government contract 6 months longer than everyone else had, but it's still surreal to be unemployed again. I've been looking for permanent work since I started the job (at Bank of America) last June, but in this economy, it's been impossible to find permanent work. Not that I probably have to tell half my readers that, judging my unemployment rates nationwide. It's ok, this end of one chapter, just inspires me to make other changes - hence the dietary lifestyle change I'm embarking upon today. Everything's good. "Something good is going to happen to me today..." my personal heart chakra chant I do each day (I tap on my chest and repeat it three times).
I'd like to see all of the From SAD to RAW journalers journal often with me in June. I'm committing to an update every day to every-other-day all month, so the progress I KNOW I will see will be documented with the foods I eat and the exercise I do. If anyone else wants to make a commitment to journal often, email me and we'll see about adding you to the site as well.
Some of my personal goals are below:
- drink at least 64 oz water
- no sodas, no dairy, no eggs, no bread (except Ezekial), no pasta/rice (except Quinoa, cous cous - and brown rice on rare occasions)
- salads every day
- exercise every day (bike, walk or run)
- journal my experiences like I did when I started this site back in 2004
Food Intake:
- package of fresh strawberries, orange, banana
- unsweetened iced tea
- large salad of romaine, tomatoes, carrots, celery, radishes, green olives, cucumber, dry toasted almond slivers, raisins, Annie's Goddess Dressing
- large handful whole raw cashews
- glass of not-from-concentrate orange juice
- another smaller salad of the same, except cashews instead of almonds, and no green olives (the veggies were leftover from my lunch salad and tasted so disgusting!
- large glass of water
- half bottle of water
- 2 oranges
- banana
- unsweetened iced tea
I didn't eat nearly as much as I should have today. But you know, that first day going back to healthy eating, at least for me --- my appetite isn't there because if I WANT something, I certainly am not wanting salad or vegetables or fruit. I'd want some crappy kind of food, so today I didn't really pay attention to food. I'd eat breakfast, eat lunch and eat dinner, but I didn't snack like I normally would. And for dinner, I ate the nasty leftover veggie part of my salad from lunch and just added stuff to it. While I was choking that down, I was steaming a brittany blend of green/wax beans, carrots and peas, but by the time it was ready, I had no appetite for it. So, I'll eat it tomorrow. I haven't come close to drinking my 64 oz of water, so I'll need to work on that, for sure.
I'm feeling very strong and committed to this (even after taking Simon, our poodle, to the vet today to learn that he has a very serious urinary tract infection plus a large bladder stone, which will require surgery later this week - any other day that would have resulted in a comfort food binge for me).
Exercise: walked 2.75 miles
Weight: 280.4 (20 pounds shy of my high weight in 2004, when I first started the journey)
June 2, 2009
Each day, at least while I'm unemployed, I might be updating my journal throughout the day, instead of keeping a paper log - so if you read my journal once during the day, be aware that it likely will change by midnight...I usually exercise in the evenings too, so my exercise won't be listed til later.
I was exhausted last night by 10:00 so I went to bed early - I remember that happening when I went high raw back in 2004, and again in, I don't remember - whenever I did it the last time. My stomach already feels flatter today - it's amazing how bloated and tight your stomach can be when you are eating crap. I just FEEL lighter today. It's wonderful and I love the not-feeling-full and non-hungry feelings instead of eating just to eat, instead of what's healthy --- eating when you're stomach growls. (That was my non-grammatically correct sentence of the day.)
Later...I am feeling so good! I really really hope this keeps up this time. I want it to work. My stomach is getting flatter already - oh I already said that earlier today. Oh well, it really does. And my energy level is definitely up today. I worked on things at the house non-stop today - painted the stair railing, refilled the bird feeders, made new hummingbird food and refilled their feeder, applied Round-Up to the sidewalk edging and the two new herb gardens I planted in the last few days, watered all the indoor plants, planted another plant, cleaned the bird bath, pulled some weeds, did laundry, cleaned off a window air conditioning unit from the garage (picked up for free this past winter from a local networking list I'm on) and installed it in my office upstairs, mowed the yard, applied for several jobs, went to the grocery store, the post office and the recycling center, and then went for a bike ride after dinner - I'm tired just thinking about everything I did. I completely chalk the boost of energy and ability to focus and get things done up to the healthy eating the last two days.
I had something I was going to write about tonight, and dang if it's totally escaped me - guess I don't have as much focus as I thought. Oh well, I'll remember it tomorrow.
PS Where are my journalers??? Come on Annette, Art, Wendy! Join me, no matter WHAT is going on in your life!
Food Intake:
- bowl of multi-grain flakes, pecans, almond milk
- large glass of orange juice
- bowl of wax/green beans, carrots, peas
- glass of unsweetened iced tea
- banana with natural peanut butter, honey and cashews
- 24 oz water
- 2 oranges
- large handful roasted peanuts (in shell)
- unsweetened iced tea
- peach
- snacked on fresh pineapple as I cut it up
- salad: head of romaine, tomato, gala apple, toasted almond slivers, raisins, 1 whole-grain flatbread cracker from Jason's Deli (I snag extras when I get the salad bar), Annie's Goddess Dressing
- unsweetened iced tea
- 24 oz water (flavored with Crystal Light Pomegranite Lemonade packet)
Exercise:
- mowed yard
- rode bike 3 miles (hauling 80 pounds behind - bike trailer holding Izzy, Dory, Simon and Suki - our 4 little --- but not little enough --- dogs)
June 3, 2009
I am sooo tempted to weigh already, but I know better - so I'm holding off for at least a week. I'd like to behave and weigh only once a month, but I'm not sure I'll have the patience for that. We'll see.
I'm so surprised at well this is going this time around. I'm going to have to go back and read some of my journal entries from 2004, when I did this the first time, to see if it was this "easy" the first time. Don't get me wrong, every so often I think about eating a veggie burger and fries and a coke, or chips and queso, or a bagel and cream cheese; but it's not overpowering my desire to lose weight. I keep saying to myself, "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." I can not wait to be back in to my "skinny" clothes again - I'm so ready - it'll be like going on a shopping spree as I haven't worn those clothes in several years.
I've received some very supportive emails with kind words and offers of support for my newly unemployed situation. I appreciate your emails and wanted to let you know one of the biggest ways you can help, is by purchasing items through the variety of links on the pages of this site. Even if you don't buy the exact brands or type of the items I have linked - if you start by clicking the links, and then purchase other things, this site will still receive a small percentage of your sale. Whether you are buying books and dvds or kitchen appliances, accessories or food items, or for those specifically buying a Vita-Mix, it adds up and will help keep this site going/growing and will also help me pay my bills, while I am looking for full-time employment.
We have a new journaler starting this week. Welcome Alanna from Canada!
Later...I just took an hour and a half nap. I fell asleep after I ate the cereal and peanuts. I could feel it was too heavy...already...in only three days, a bowl of multi-grain cereal and some roasted peanuts made me tired. I guess it's that plus the mix of the detox. I woke up all disoriented and confused as to why I was asleep in the living room in the middle of the day. And I could go back to sleep for the rest of the evening, I believe. I definitely need to up my water intake - I haven't even drank any water today. I know I'm getting a lot of water from the fruit I'm eating, but I still need to be sure to drink alot, especially while I'm in detox mode.
Later still...I have no motivation. I'm tired and sweaty. And I just started my period. Detox AND my period at the same time. Ugh. So, as much as I was trying to get up the energy to go for a walk or run tonight, I'm sitting on the couch instead. I felt like all I did was eat today and was feeling guilty (which is insane, I realize), but Steph reminded me to look at my food log and then go eat something.
I decided it would be best to have a salad, since I hadn't had any greens today. I made a simple salad (simple for me anyway) and used the last few drops of my Annie's Goddess Dressing and then cracked open one of the new bottles of dressing I got at Wal-Mart (I guess they've stopped selling Annie's dressings - bummer). When I went to pour the dressing on my salad, I saw that the bottle opening didn't have any type of pour spout - it was just a big open hole. It DID have a place on the cap that *looked* like it was going to be a pour spout, but it was fake. How ridiculous is that? How many people pour gushes of dressing on their salad? And it's a vinegarette, so it's not like it comes out slow. I looked through the cabinet and found an olive oil jar with a small spout on it; I poured the contents of the bottle of dressing into it. It wasn't the ideal dressing pourer, as it kinda spit out on to the salad, but it was much better than a river of oil in my bowl.
Keep our family in your thoughts tomorrow - our little Simon (poodle) is having bladder stone removal surgery in the morning.
Food Intake:
- 1 orange, 1 apple
- banana with natural peanut butter, pecans and honey
- 2 glasses of iced tea
- handful raw cashews
- bowl of wax/green beans, carrots, peas
- bowl of multi-grain cereal, pecans, raisins, almond milk
- glass of iced tea
- large handful roasted peanuts (in-shell)
- fresh pineapple
- salad: head of romaine, organic grape tomatoes, radishes, raw whole cashews, dried cranberries, celery, 1 whole-grain flatbread cracker from Jason's Deli, last little bit of Annie's Goddess Dressing (gasp!) and some Newman's Own Light Vinegarette Dressing
- Trader Joe's apple-strawberry fruit leather
- glass of iced tea
- large glass of water with fresh lime (finally!)
Exercise:
- none (I am so tired AND I started my period this evening)
June 4, 2009
I weighed. I know. I know. I can't help it. I'm impatient. And I should never have said I'm going to wait a week. The second I say what I'm going to do, I go and do something else. But the good news is I've lost 10 pounds already! I now weigh 270.6. I'm so pumped! I had lost 19 pounds the first month when I did this back in 2004, so I'm hoping to up that number by 11 pounds and lose 30 total in a month. It's a very lofty goal, but I'm doing things differently this time. I'm exercising more. I'm eating a lot more fruits and "real" vegetables - versus just a bunch of nuts and starches. I'm eating those things too, don't misunderstand me, but I'm working to increase the true fruit/veggie content in my diet.
Simon just came out of surgery and is doing fine, according to the doctor. I'm so grateful! Thank you for your good thoughts!
Later...I've been laying on the couch with my Simon baby, whose in recovery, and haven't done anything today, include eat anything really substantial. I've had a bunch of fruit and some nuts, but not a salad, like I need to be eating. I just can't motivate myself right now to fix anything. Maybe this evening I'll get around to making a salad. I know I need it for energy.
Later, Later...nope, not a salad night. I'm so attached to the couch where my Simon is resting that I couldn't get myself to stay in the kitchen long enough to cut up the salad fixings. And I'm not sure if it's Mommy trauma or what, but suddenly I want to eat everything in the house. Tomorrow will be better.
Here's my baby boy in recovery (yes he's wearing a onesie - it's either that or an E-collar - and surprisingly, he'd be more embarrassed by that)...
Food Intake:
- 7 strawberries, 1 banana
- glass of orange juice
- handful raw whole cashews
- glass of iced tea
- natural, unsweetened apple sauce
- orange
- rest of the strawberries, banana
- large handful roasted in-shell peanuts
- large glass of water
- bowl of Amy's no-chicken noodle soup
- glass of iced tea
- 1 small peach
- few whole raw cashews
- mini-bag 94% fat free kettle corn (appears to be vegan, but not exactly healthy)
- 2 celery spears with natural peanut butter
Exercise:
none, again (it's not going to happen while I'm taking care of Simon --- hopefully tomorrow)
Weight: 270.6
June 5, 2009
I am dealing with the same thing that Alanna is dealing with --- I'm choosing to eat fruit more than anything, just cause it's easiest. I can grab a banana or a peach or orange easier than I can cut up the fixings for a salad or steam some veggies. I know I need to be eating salads. I know this. I just am not doing it. We're going out to dinner tonight for date night, so I'm going to get a big salad wherever we end up having dinner. It's possible it will end up being Jason's Deli, cause that is, by far, my favorite place to eat salad. Their hummus is out of this world, and they have so many options on the salad bar. Oh and I love their iced tea of course.
I realize, too, that my nut intake has increased the last few days. It's my form of comfort eating, when I smell something delicious I'd rather be eating. Like I made Steph a broiled bagel-butter-parmesan-turkey sandwich for lunch today that smelled so amazing. I would never eat the turkey, of course, but the smell and sight of the parmesan and butter getting all crispy and crunchy on the bagel in the toaster oven was making my mouth literally water. I jokingly pouted on the couch gagging my way through two small, sour peaches. What exactly IS in season right now?? I forgot to mention I bought a ruby red grapefruit a few days ago, thinking I'd like to add that to my diet, since I learned it helps trim your waistline. Ugh, no way am I going to ever be able to eat those disgusting things. HOW in the world do people choke back those bitter bulbous fruits? It's not going to happen for me. Period. I threw away the entire thing after letting the citrus chunk touch my tongue exactly two times. Two times too many.. Blech!
In general, I'm doing really well. The constant thinking about food that I had struggled with so intensely the last year has subsided already. It is quite amazing how I used to obsess about the next thing I was going to eat, and today I have to make myself get up to go to the kitchen to find something to eat. I'm not an idiot though; I'm quite sure the reason is that normal SAD people don't go, "Oh my gawd, you know what would be good right now?.....A big, thick, juicy, creamy.....zucchini." It just doesn't happen like that. I go, "Oh, my stomach is growling. I guess I have to go choose between an apple or a carrot. Mmmmm mmmmm." I'm not back into raw gourmet yet (and trying to limit myself to doing that for special occasions or at least only every so often); so nothing really tempts me or excites me right now. I even have three avocadoes sitting in there with a new herb garden of cilantro that I can use to make some guacamole, but it's really not the same to me without a big basket of warm, crisp tortilla chips. So for now, I'll just sit with my "eh" (shoulders shrugging) approach to eating. It's much better than the alternative, trust me!
Simon's doing ok today. He's still not walking around and is the biggest little baby ever, staying snuggled in the various baby beds around the house, depending on which room we are in at the moment. I had Steph go to the store last night and get a package of three skinless boneless chicken breasts, with strict instructions of "natural, no additives, antibiotics, preservatives, plutonium-type ingredients injected into the poor animal who had to die for Simon's wellbeing." I'm torn on the whole 'dogs should eat meat' theory. I believe it, and we are considering a raw food diet for all four of our dogs, but being an animal-rights advocate and previously working for one of the giants in the industry, it's very very very difficult for me to piece it all together - doing what's right for the dogs, what's right for the chickens/lambs/cows/turkeys of the world. I'm undecided still, but we are definitely looking into options. If we did go to a raw food diet for the dogs, it would involve a lot of research and probably be a very expensive choice - given that I would not choose the typical crap the Wal-Mart butcher offers. But then again, we wouldn't choose the packaged stuff you can find at Care-A-Lot either, as we did the math and for our four little dogs, it could end up costing $20-26 a day. WHO is spending this much money on their beloved animals? If I won't do it, then I must meet the people who do. God love em and the fact that they alone are supporting the struggling economy.
Food Intake:
- 2 bananas, natural peanut butter, cashews, pecans, honey
- glass of iced tea
- 2 small peaches
- Trader Joe's apple-raspberry fruit leather
- too many roasted, in-shell peanuts (while I submit my application/resume for the 300th time)
- glass of iced tea (I'm being lazy and not typing "unsweetened" but know that that's ALL I drink, ever --- I never sweeten iced tea - ick)
- Jason's Deli: romaine, red bell pepper, green olives, peas, raisins, pepitas, walnuts, almonds, cashews, low fat organic french dressing, carrots, bell pepper hummus, the skin of half of Steph's plain baked potato (topped with some of the hummus - OH YUM!), unsweetened iced tea
Exercise:
- none yet - and honestly I'm really not sure it's going to happen tonight either
June 6, 2009
Went to Qdoba today with a coupon for a buy one entree get one free (received in my email inbox for my birthday). I knew from past experience, that I would be able to order a salad/veggie bowl without chips or a tortilla/taco shell. But I had no recollection of just how delicious it would be. Qdoba will be my new favorite place to eat. Below is a pic of what I got: lettuce, grilled veggies (squash, zucchini, onion) + fajita veggies (green and red bell pepper, onion), mexicorn, pico de gallo, guacamole and a splash of a cilantro lime dressing. Oh. My. God. SO very good. I was in heaven. The girl fixing it for me seemed distressed that I didn't want a taco shell bowl, cheese, sour cream, beans, rice, nothing. But it was superb. It would have been much more expensive, without the coupon --- If I remember correctly, she charged $5.49 for the grilled veggie salad, $.89 for the guacamole, and $.59 for the added fajita veggies. Really, to me, that's not bad at all for a salad this size, and this delicious and filling. I can not wait to go back and get it again! I didn't want the dressing on it, and stopped her just as she was splashing it on --- so a small amount got on it. It was not needed at all. It was so juicy and wet with the veggie juice, the guacamole and the pico de gallo. Mmmmmm, my mouth is watering right now thinking about it.
Tonight we had our weekly poker night with 3 friends and I cut up celery and carrots and served the fire roasted bell pepper hummus that I bought two containers of from Jason's Deli last night. Only one person ate the veggies with me, but everyone adored the hummus. That was all I had for dinner --- a ton of hummus with celery and carrots. For dessert, I made all of us "butter pecan milkshakes" of frozen banana, ice, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, pecans, agave nectar and vanilla extract. Then I cut up mango for an added treat. It was almost ripe, but could have used another day or two on the window sill.
Food Intake:
- banana with dry toasted almond slivers and raisins
- glass of iced tea
- Qdoba: grilled veggie salad: lettuce, grilled veggies (squash, zucchini, onion) + fajita veggies (green and red bell pepper, onion), mexicorn, pico de gallo, guacamole and a splash of a cilantro lime dressing; iced tea
- fire roasted bell pepper hummus from Jason's Deli with celery and carrots - three plates
- iced tea
- butter pecan milkshake: frozen banana, ice, unsweetened vanilla almond milk, pecans, agave nectar and vanilla extract
- fresh mango
- iced tea
Exercise: none - this is getting to be a bad habit of mine
June 7, 2009
Went to the beach today, to swim and to pick up a ton more sea stones for flower bed borders. After we left, we were both starving, so we did a compromise meal out. I went back to Qdoba and got the exact same lunch as yesterday --- to go --- and took it into Boston Market with her, so she could get her turkey breast plate. I am hooked on that salad, so when we went to Wal-Mart to grocery shop, I picked up a large purple onion and a pack of red/orange/yellow bell peppers and a green bell pepper, along with a head of leafy green lettuce. I have the squash and zucchini already from a trip to a local farmer's market yesterday, and tomatoes from last week's trip to the grocery store, and again, the cilantro from one of my new herb gardens. I can make the grilled veggies and fajita veggies, but without an actual grill, I know that won't taste exactly the same. I can make the guacamole, too. I'll cut up the leafy green lettuce, and then make the pico de gallo with tomatoes, onions, and cilantro; the last thing to do is make the mexican corn relish - which I really don't know if it's more than just roasted corn diced onion and peppers and cilantro. I'm going to attempt to make up some containers of these items tomorrow so I can have the salad whenever I want. I have an interview tomorrow afternoon, so we'll see if I can it done before that.
I had a few moments today of wanting to eat crap, and both involved grocery shopping. The first thing was I saw a delicious-looking thin and crispy five-cheese prizza in the freezer section. I can actually taste it when I look at the packaging. Then Steph bought a pack of this new Blue Bunny frozen yogurt raspberry bar that she and I had taste tested several weeks ago. I watched her eating one in the car on the way home and could almost taste it as well, just based on the memory of how it tasted when I had that one.
I have been kind of tired the last few days, low energy, not wanting to do much. I don't want to exercise and although I want to get outside and work in the garden, I don't have the energy to actually go out there. Laying in the float in the ocean today, sunning (with sunblock of course) and collecting stones seems to have tired me out.
Later...got up and went outside and planted 5 new herbs, repotted a spider plant, planted a shoot-off of the spider plant in the garden, planted the top of a pineapple and watered all the plants, front and back. Guess I got the energy somehow to do that; but our plan to walk down to the water was thrarted by the desparate need to clip Izzy's (our terrier) nails - which involves a pill, waiting an hour and two humans laying across her entire body.
Food Intake:
- 2 bananas, natural peanut butter, dry toasted almond slivers, raisins, honey
- iced tea
- Qdoba: grilled veggie salad: lettuce, grilled veggies (squash, zucchini, onion) + fajita veggies (green and red bell pepper, onion), mexicorn, pico de gallo, guacamole and a couple drips of cilantro lime dressing; iced tea
- fire roasted bell pepper hummus from Jason's Deli with celery and carrots - 1 plate
- several handfuls roasted (non-salted) in-shell peanuts (bought non-salted today, didn't realize the last ones I bought were salted)
- iced tea
- bowl of multigrain flakes, raisins, pecans, honey, almond milk
- 4 steamed Trader Joe's Thai veggie potstickers
Exercise:
- none ... might as well assume I'm not going to unless you hear otherwise
June 8, 2009
Today was a crazy hectic day.
Simon had not pooped since the night of his surgery, so I had to take him back to the vet. Then I had to go pick up a trial pair of contact lenses at the eye doctor that had come in from the lab, go to Walgreens to pick up a laxative for Simon (poor baby - he's in so much pain in his abdomen area from the bladder stone surgery, he doesn't want to go poop cause he's pretty sure it will hurt), then I had a job interview to go to (it went find, but who knows what will happen - as I've interviewed for a few positions and had it go nowhere) and in the evening a plumber was coming to review the situation with the water damage (discovered the toilet seal had worn away).
I also dug out another area and laid sea stones for an additional herb garden. We'll have herbs coming out our ears, but I'm gonna love it! Gardening makes me SO happy!
We took the dogs for a mile and a half walk tonight (with Simon sprawled out on pillows and blankets in the bike trailer that turns into a stroller with the addition of a third wheel); so we finally got some exercise. We are both so unmotivated to exercise right now, possibly because it is starting to get quite hot here. The heat is still nothing like we had in Arkansas and Texas, so I'm not complaining.
I spent an hour or so in the kitchen recreating the ingredients/dishes that comprised the veggie salad I have been having at Qdoba. It wasn't *exactly* the same, but it was damn close and still excellent. Below is what all I made and a basic instruction of how I put it all together.
Lettuce: head of leafy green lettuce, chopped into long, thin slices
Grilled veggies: one skillet with sliced red and green bell peppers, red onion, a few splashes of water, garlic, fresh cilantro and sea salt; one skillet of sliced zucchini and squash and more red onions, with a few splashes of water, garlic, Cavendar's Greek seasoning and parsley (I don't know why, but I like to add parsley to things just cause it's pretty)
Mexi-corn: half of a family-size bag of frozen corn, diced red/green bell peppers - (pre-cooked the corn in the microwave with water for 2 minutes); then heated with the peppers in a skillet to "roast" the flavors all together and cook down the peppers a bit
Pico de Gallo: organic grape tomatoes (cut into halves, then halves, then halves again), diced red onion, red/green bell pepper, fresh cilantro, garlic (combine all ingredients with spatula)
Guacamole: 2 avocados, juice of 1 lime, diced organic grape tomatoes, red onion, green bell pepper, fresh cilantro, cumin, garlic, sea salt, paprika (combined all ingredients with wooden spatula) I layer the ingredients in the order listed above and it makes a deliciously awesome grilled veggie salad. Mmmmmm, that's what I had for dinner tonight and made enough to have it for a few more meals.
Annette, where are ya? Miss hearing from you!
Food Intake:
- 8 strawberries, handful in-shell roasted, unsalted peanuts
- glass of iced tea
- grilled veggie salad: leafy green lettuce, squash, zucchini, onions, red/green bell peppers, corn, pico de gallo, guacamole
- glass of iced tea
- bottle of water
- handful pretzels with Jason's Deli red bell pepper hummus
- cup of earl grey hot tea with last of the honey and some added agave nectar, almond milk, with 2 cigarettes while sitting on the front porch (oops)
- lots of raisins and in-shell roasted, unsalted peanuts
- Trader Joe's apple-raspberry fruit leather
- glass of iced tea
- mini-bag of 94% fat free kettle korn
- glass of water
Exercise:
gardening in the heat (lots o' sweat), 1.5 mile walk
June 9, 2009
Today was a craving day. I wanted to eat "bad" - a veggie burger, fries and a coke kept calling to me. I pulled through, but I did have a heavier cooked dinner than I would have liked. It helped with the cravings though. I keep looking at myself in the mirror, waiting for my body and face to start changing shape; but it seems like it's not happening and I feel discouraged. I know from experience, you have to wait it out, but jeez the waiting is torture.
Food Intake:
- bowl of multigrain flakes, pecans, raisins, almond milk
- glass of iced tea
- glass of water
- handful roasted, in-shell unsalted peanuts
- glass of iced tea
- few pretzels, carrots and guacamole
- stir-fried (no oil) potato medley from Trader Joe's, added dry roasted unsalted peanuts; 4 steamed Thai veggie potstickers from Trader Joe's with a bit of peanut sauce, few small scoops plain cous cous from Near East
- glass of iced tea
- cup of earl grey hot tea with last of the agave nectar (need to get more!) and some organic cane sugar, almond milk, with 1 cigarette while sitting on the front porch (oops - do NOT want to start this habit again - told Steph so I have another person aware of my desire to behave)
- mini-bag of 94% fat free kettle korn
- banana, 12 strawberries (shared with Steph)
- glass of water
- handful banana chips (unsweetened), swig of orange juice
Exercise:
none (thunderstorms were only an excuse for not exercising outside, no excuse for not exercising inside)
June 10, 2009
Lost a pound. Sheesh, weight loss this slow sucks. I'm 100% sure it's because my exercise has been low to no for the last few weeks. We HAVE to get back out there and started walking and jogging and biking again. I truly have no motivation, though once we get out there, I always feel better. I know this, I just have to do it. Ya know, one of the things I'm currently struggling with, and I recall struggling with in the past is when it's time for lunch or dinner, I know what I could make for Steph, but I have a hard time figuring out what to make for myself. Even when I had made the side dishes to be able to combine to make the "Qdoba" salad --- it isn't that easy meal of a sandwich or a veggie burger or something like that. It's hard to look in the fridge and not be able to "see" a meal. I'll work through it, but every day it's a challenge.
Later...I'm having serious issues. I'm mopey, hungry, "hungry" --- meaning I'm just wanting things, whether I'm actually physically hungry or not, I'm unmotivated to exercise, and overall just kind of depressed. I ate pretty heavy for dinner, not staying high raw today at all. I ate some fruit and some greens, but had too many things that weren't on my "diet."
Food Intake:
- plate of banana, apple, orange
- glass of orange juice
- salad of leafy greens, grilled veggies, mexicorn, pico di gallo, few drips of balsamic vinegarette
- glass of iced tea
- banana
- handful toasted almond slivers
- glass of iced tea
- plate of cous cous, 6 steamed Thai veggie potstickers from Trader Joe's, stir-fried tofu and asian veggies (in a low sodium soy sauce by Trader Joe's)
- glass of iced tea
- bowl of multi-grain flakes, almond milk
- handful pecans with cinnamon sprinkled on them and baked in the oven for about 10 minutes (mmmmmm)
- lots of fresh bing cherries
- mini-bag of 94% fat free kettle korn
- bottle of water with a packet of sugar-free hawaiian punch water flavoring
Exercise:
again...none
Weight: 269.4
June 11, 2009
I finally got some exercise in, but not the standard type. I spent 3 hours outside in the yard today: mowing, weeding, planting plants, watering the gardens, refilling bird feeders and sweating like a dog the whole time. It was sooooo hot outside and I loved the feeling of having to pour a glass of iced water over my head and sitting on the back steps just to cool off and catch my breath. I also drank a ton of water today, which is a first for me. I could not get enough water!
I picked up Wendy's today for Steph's lunch (when I'm not working, I always make her lunch, but today I was out running errands right up to her lunch time); I am generally tempted by french fries and Coke when I go to Wendy's, but today I ordered her baked potato, chili and a Coke and didn't even think of getting anything, or even having a sip of her Coke.
Steph had our friend, Marilyn, over tonight to play guitar (they practice every Thursday night and do it here one week, then her house the next week); when they practice here I always cook them dinner. Tonight was samosas, steamed veggie potstickers, stir-fried asian veggies, peanuts and tofu, and cous cous, with peanut sauce and duck sauce for dips. I ate with them, but at least managed to only eat one samosa. Of course, ideally I wouldn't have eaten them at all, and even more ideally, I would have had a salad instead. But I really wanted to eat what I made for them. I hate how much I love to cook for people; and I mean cook cook, not raw prepare. People just aren't as open to that, and honestly I just really enjoying cooking. And I'm so darn good at it <grin>. And I'm most good at cooking things that aren't healthy, though I do make some healthy dishes as well.
I felt like I ate all dang day. I could not get satisfied. I know it's cause I've incorporated some not as healthy cooked foods that actually make me hungrier.
Steph's family is coming to visit tomorrow night from Oklahoma. They'll be here through Tuesday. I know I won't spend every moment with them, but I'm pretty sure I'll eat most meals of at least breakfast and dinner with them. I know we'll be taking them to some awesomely delicious places, like my favorite bagelry, Yorgo's, which specializes in vegan dishes. I'm going to behave and not eat like I normally would when we go there. I'll plan to eat my fruit breakfast before we go so I can just drink coffee in case they don't have a thing I can have. It would be awesome if they have something, but I'm not banking on it. And for dinners, I know I'll just have to be vocal and ask for salads or grilled veggie meals that satisy me while they eat fried, fattening foods.
Food Intake:
- plate of banana, apple, orange
- glass of water
- salad: leafy greens, grape tomatoes, green olives, dry toasted almond slivers, Annie's Goddess Dressing
- glass of water
- 3 more glasses of water (during outside yard work)
- handful toasted almond slivers
- 1 samosa, 3 steamed veggie potstickers, cous cous, stir-fried asian veggies, peanuts and tofu, peanut sauce and duck sauce
- 2 glasses of water
- handful fresh bing cherries
- cup of decaf earl grey hot tea with organic cane sugar (out of honey and agave nectar and need to go to Trader Joe's), almond milk
- 2 apples with natural peanut butter
- glass of water
Exercise:
- 3 hours working outside in the yard: mowing, weeding, planting plants, watering the gardens, refilling bird feeders and sweating like a dog
June 12, 2009
I was so emotional today. Cried several times and moved through emotions of depression and irritability, until after I had a good dinner at Jason's Deli. I was getting down on myself about not losing weight. I had lost that 10 pounds and nothing since then. I'm eating good. Not great, but good --- all in comparison of course, but jeez, come on. Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Next week, Steph said she would start running with me again, so I know that will help with the scale, but in the meantime, I'm just gonna try and not give up and keep trying to make healthy choices each day.
We went to Trader Joe's today and picked up some almond milk, fire roasted bell pepper hummus, edamame hummus, flax multibran cereal, Thai veggie potstickers, chicken cilantro potstickers (for Steph), veggie samosas, asian veggies for stirfry, a Toblerone bar for Steph, and a dozen organic cage free eggs. We just realized we forgot to get ageave nectar. Damn it!!!
Steph's parents arrived late tonight from Oklahoma, so we met them in Downtown Portsmouth at a bar that also serves a limited food menu. We had already eaten dinner at Jason's Deli, because they didn't get in early enough to have dinner with us. Steph's gonna hang out with them most of tomorrow and I'll go have a meal with them, either lunch or dinner...We'll see.
Food Intake:
- bowl of multigrain cereal, pecans, raisins, almond milk
- glass of iced tea
- 2 apples with natural peanut butter
- glass of iced tea
- veggie wrap from Taste Unlimited: sundried tomato tortilla wrapper filled with a meditteranean veggie mix of cucumbers, red bell pepper, kalamata olives and some feta mixed in (asked them to remove all big chunks that they could), with romaine lettuce and fire roasted bell pepper hummus
- 16 oz bottle of Sprite Zero
- some pretzels with red bell pepper hummus
- glass of iced tea
- salad bar from Jason's Deli: romaine, red bell pepper, cucumber, green olives, low fat creamy french dressing, toasted almond slivers, raisins, dried cranberries, walnuts, almonds, cashews, carrots and fire roasted bell pepper hummus, few bites of the skin of Steph's plain baked potato (after she ate the cottage cheese off of it)
- iced tea
- cup of hot Chai Black tea, 2 organic cane sugar packets, 2 half and half's
- several glasses of iced tea at Longboard's Lounge with Steph's parents
Exercise:
None - shocking, right?
June 13, 2009
Steph spent the day doing touristy things with her parents while I organized our closet to put winter clothes away and did some gardening in the back yard. I'm so excited about all of my herb gardens. I know I'll forget them all, but I'll try to list the various herbs I'm now growing in 5 different gardens: Bee Balm, Chamomile, Chocolate Mint, Cilantro, Dill, Dwarf Curry, Fennel, Greek Oregano, German Thyme, Lavendar, Lemon Balm, Parsley, Patchouli, Purple Ruffles Basil, Rosemary, Rue, Santolina Gray, Spearmint, Spicy Globe Basil, St. John's Wort, Sweet Basil, Sweet Marjoram, and Texas Tarragon. I'm quite certain I I won't use but a few of them in cooking, but I just adore the smells when I go touch them, and several of them are supposed to help keep the mosquitoes away, which piss me off like nothing else.
For lunch, I reheated, in the toaster oven, the leftover potato skin from Steph's baked potato (we ate at Jason's Deli last night) and also wanted more steamed veggie potstickers, so I had 6 of those. I'm clearly wanting cooked food right now. Why is it that whenever something different enters my pattern/habits, I let things go. Steph's parents are here, so I seem to be using that as an excuse to not eat great. So pathetic.
I went with them to the movies and dinner later. We saw "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3," not a movie I would have chosen, but pretty good none-the-less. I take responsibility for choosing to share popcorn and a Coke with Steph. After a quick Target trip, and a stop to let the dogs out, we went to dinner at Jason's Deli...again for us, but they had never been there before, even though a new one opened recently in Fayetteville, Arkansas, which is only 35-40 minutes from their home in Westville, Oklahoma. I wanted to eat bad. I wanted some kind of sandwich and chips. Steph suggested I get the usual, salad bar. So I did. I ate the same stuff I always eat, romaine, red bell pepper, carrots, fire roasted bell pepper hummus, green olives, raisins, mixed nuts and low-fat creamy french dressing. I chose three items that weren't healthy - Diet Dr. Pepper (their iced tea tasted rancid, being that it was almost closing time), 3 packets of wheat club crackers, and 3 of the bite-sized cornbread muffins. Oh, actually I did have a few bites of mustard potato salad, so 4 things that weren't healthy.
Oh and I'm struggling with smoking again. Michelle! Come on!
Food Intake:
- banana
- glass of iced tea
- handful pretzels with fire roasted red bell pepper hummus
- leftover potato skin from Steph's baked potato from Jason's Deli, with some fire roasted red bell pepper hummus, 6 steamed Thai veggie potstickers with some duck sauce and peanut sauce
- glass of iced tea
- shared medium popcorn and Coke with Steph (at the movies)
- Jason's Deli: romaine, red bell pepper, carrots, fire roasted bell pepper hummus, green olives, raisins, mixed nuts and low-fat creamy french dressing, 2 glasses of Diet Dr. Pepper, 3 packets of wheat club crackers, 3 bite-sized cornbread muffins, few bites of mustard potato salad, cup of hot Chai Black tea with 2 organic cane sugar packets and 2 half and half's
- apple with natural peanut butter
Exercise:
- Just dug another small herb garden
June 14, 2009
I lost it. I'm not sure what happened, but today I went back to SAD eating. I met up with Steph late tonight after she'd been with her folks all day. We both wanted to "eat bad" and have some alone time, so we went to Ihop. No excuses. She said when her parent leave on Wednesday she wants to make changes and lose weight. I was grateful to her that she'll do it with me, cause I hate going back and forth, up and down with my desire to eat healthy versus my weakness for crap food. I need support and someone else to be strong when I'm feeling so weak.
Food Intake:
- two swigs of Coke Zero
- bowl of flax multibran flakes, raisins, pecans, almond milk
- glass of iced tea
- plain bagel toasted with butter (holy jeez, what am I doing?)
- 6 steamed Thai veggie potstickers with duck sauce and peanut sauce
- went downhill from there --- toast with butter for a snack, grilled cheese sandwich with fries/onion rings for a late night dinner with Steph (Ihop)
Exercise:
none
June 18, 2009
I had a 4 day slip. I ate completely horrid for 2 days and the other 2 days I ate at least half bad. I'm back today, though, not letting a 4 day slip mean the end to my journey. I gained 4 pounds in those 4 days, according to the scale this morning. Because I haven't eaten well in the last 4 days, that means I didn't make a trip to the grocery store to get some fresh produce. I'll start the day today with the flax multibran flakes cereal with almond milk and then plan to get to the store today to get fruit. If the salad stuff hasn't gone bad in the fridge over the last part of the week, I'll have salad for lunch. Then for dinner I'll probably make steamed veggies or some asian stir-fry without oil, just water in the wok. Or I may make that for Steph and have a salad again, who knows. I just know I'm not letting the slip be the end of my weight loss. Four pounds could have easily been the 10 I had lost, so at least all has not gone down the toilet.
June 19, 2009
I ate pretty well today. I made a few choices that weren't ideal (leftover samosas as part of my lunch, few bites of Steph's leftover Toblerone chocolate, half a bottle of Diet Pepsi), which I suppose looks like a lot, but overall I did well. Ate some fruit, a salad, steamed veggies and a baked potato for dinner, drank some water, etc. It will probably take me a bit to get totally back on track; but Steph wants to do it this time. She won't eat just like me, but she's going to try to eat more like me.
We took a small walk - about a mile. It was going to be a 3.5 mile walk, but it started raining on us shortly after we started walking.
June 20, 2009
Steph and I seem to have the food, exercise and smoking conversation on a daily basis. We'll start a day saying, "Ok, we need to walk every night," "Ok, we need to just do it and eat only healthy," "Ok, that cigarette we had just a minute ago is the last one we're going to have." Then, oh an hour later, we'll be having another discussion, that might go something like this: "That mile was a good walk. It's a good start," "Ok, we need to just try to make healthy choices most of the time, but not try to be perfect," "Ok, we're just going to focus on eating this week and try to stop smoking next week." By the end of the day we'll say, "Ok, we need to focus on just getting outside every day," "Let's not think so much about the food, and be 'normal' and just watch what we eat," and "We'll just smoke once a day." And none of it even makes sense if someone were watching us from the outside. I would think we're the most flaky people I'd ever met. I'm even talking about having a beer every so often (haven't had a drink since 9/17/01). We have such good intentions, desires, goals, yada yada. But man, we are a bit too human for our own good.
Today I had flax/multi-gran flakes with pecans, a banana and raisins with almond milk for breakfast. We spent the extrememly hot day walking the Virginia Beach Boardwalk Art Festival, sweating like crazy. We couldn't find many vegetarian options, so we finally stopped in to a Gyro restaurant. I ordered a veggie with cheese gyro. Steph ordered a Steak and Cheese and we shared fries. Throughout the afternoon we drank lemonade and iced tea. The only thing I did that was good was I passed on a cup of Cold Stone Creamery ice cream that Steph got after lunch.
I'm trying to work on not assigning negative thoughts and feelings to the food I (we) choose to eat. I can't help wondering if the new-agey theories of "you are what you think, it is what you think it is, if you believe it is, then so it shall be" are true. And if they are, then my "fat thoughts" and "bad food beliefs" certainly don't help my desire to lose weight. Apparently even by saying, "I want to lose weight," means that I'll attract situations that require me to constantly have to "lose weight." Sometimes I buy it, and other times I forget and just blame myself and my choices. It's a tough place to be in when you struggle with self-responsibility in action versus actuality from thought.
Anyway, I don't have any answer to this journey, except to know, that I'll never "give up" in working to become the person I know I can be.
June 22, 2009
I smoked way too many cigarettes yesterday. We went down to the Virginia Beach boardwalk to Mahi Mah's, a beach-side restaurant, where we sat outside and listened to music. I ordered my first alcoholic drink in 8 years, a Dos Equis beer. Eh <shoulders shrugged>. It was anti-climactic and I only ended up drinking less than half the bottle sipped over 3 hours, finishing the evening with a glass of water. I actually ended up with a bit of a headache, which was possibly due to the combo of the half a beer and the sun. While we were there, I ordered sweet potato fries. Steph got a grilled tuna steak sandwich. (Needless to say, it was a seafood restaurant, and my options were limited, though I still made my own choice of the fries.)
After we left Mahi Mah's, we went to The Raven, to have more of a meal. Again, primarily a seafood/meat-based restaurant. I ordered a salad and baked potato. I ate the salad with ranch and the potato with butter and sour cream. And an iced tea.
The women we were with wanted Haagan Daaz ice cream after dinner, so we headed there. I looked through the ice cream cases and chose nothing. It wasn't really that hard.
On the way home from the beach, Steph and I talked about my choices today - the beer, the sweet potato fries, the salad and baked potato and choosing nothing at Haagan Daaz. I told her I felt like a weight had sort of been lifted. Once I chose to order a beer and have the option to drink if I want, it seemed to open my mind up to be free to choose. I realized I have felt so restricted my whole life - about drinking, smoking, eating. It's always something I'm fighting. I can't. I can't. I can't. We talked about just letting go. Stopping with the "I can'ts," and the assigning of negative thougths and statements about foods I choose to eat. Just BE. This could easily be seen as a way to forget the weight loss goal, forget the belief that a high raw diet is the ideal way to live, forget that choosing healthy is better for you. And who knows. Maybe it is. I'm just going to sit with this for a while, because one thing Steph and I both agree on - when we say "we can't," we nearly always do the opposite, obviously rebelling at ourselves.
June 24, 2009
Took the dogs for a 1.5 mile walk late this afternoon. It had to be 95 degrees and I was drenched with sweat by the time we got back.
I may need to rethink my lackadaisical approach to eating and smoking (laugh and roll your eyes in unison please). Being less judgmental on myself, less strict, less defined in my approach to weight loss might just keep me from losing weight. There has to be a happy medium. Desire to be healthy without the expectation of perfection. Note to self - research if someone has already written a book on this!
June 30, 2009
Have you noticed all the changes to the website? I'm reviving some of the old pages and making them more accessible, I'm revamping pages with changes to formats and information provided, and obviously I'm tweeking the format and amount of ads I showcase on the website. I'm sure some of you would prefer not to see the ads, but gotta do what I gotta do.
Another thing I've done is update the site to provide the step-by-step pictorial demonstrations of 4 items I used to give only to email subscribers. Below are the links for your enjoyment!
I also have a few other items I'm wanting to work on. So watch for many more changes and additions to the site.
In the meantime, I could use your help with one of the changes I'm working on.
I want all of the recipe pages on the From SAD to RAW website to have pictures of the recipes, as I've been told that is one of people's favorite parts of the site --- the recipe pages and more importantly, the pictures on the recipe pages. So, given that I'm not going to go and make more than 300 recipes right now, I'm gonna offer a contest to get as many pictures of recipes sent in as possible. Here are the details:
- Pick a recipefrom this site that does NOT currently have a photo, and make it. (You'll know if it has a photo by the camera icon next to the recipe link.)
- Take a picture of the finished recipe and email it to me (low resolution is fine, just needs to be clear, in focus and easy to see)
- I'll be updating the site and sharing the updated pages with you all, through my journals, throughout the contest.
- The photo contributor's name will be added to a drawing to win ANY raw food book of your choice (up to $19.95 retail).
- Deadline for entry is 11:59 pm, August 14, 2009.
- I'll have Steph draw a name and I'll announce the winner on August 15, 2009. (I'll send the winner an email asking what book they would like; order and have the book sent to the winner promptly!)
This contest will not only benefit one lucky winner, but it will benefit the thousands of visitors to the From SAD to RAW website each year, looking for delicious recipes. Feel free to share this contest information with your various raw food discussion groups and forums.
Good luck and thanks for playing!
July 5, 2009
Dear Internet,
Yesterday was Independence Day and I felt anything but free.
Steph and I had gone almost a week without smoking and made the conscious decision to split a pack of cigarettes while we hung out at Norfolk's Harborfest all afternoon and evening. We also ate everything in sight, more specifically, every fried thing in sight. Then last night on our boat ride back to Portsmouth, I told Steph that on Monday I was going to do a 24 hour juice cleanse starting Monday morning and after that I was going to get back on the wagon, eating truly healthy again with my goal, AGAIN, to be intense amounts of weight loss. Steph surprisingly said she would do the cleanse as well. I was so pleased to hear it and tonight we went to Wal-Mart and bought tons of different commercial juices and fruits and carrots to juice. We bought 2 orange juices, a pressed, not from concentrate apple juice, she got a V8 (ew I do NOT like tomato juice at all), a POM pomegranate juice, a no sugar added cranberry juice, bananas and a pineapple (for me for Tuesday), and carrots to juice and add to the apple juice. I also got a box of Swanson organic vegetarian vegetable broth, for some heartier juice drinking.
I'm looking forward to this attempt, once again, to get a hold of my life. We discussed that along with cigarette smoking, we'd allow ourselvesone time each month to smoke and eat crap. July's was this past weekend. August's will be a girls' trip to Atlantic City that Steph and I and 3 of our girl friends are taking. September can be Labor Day weekend. October can be Halloween, November can be Thanksgiving, and December can be Christmas.
I am really tired of this journal repeating itself over and over and over. I swear. How is it that back in January 2004 when I made the commitment to go high raw and lose weight once and for all, I just did it. No looking back, no cheats, no temporary failures. Nothing. I just did it and lost the weight, never looking back. I fucked up when Boni and I broke up and I've struggled with getting my life back in order ever since.
So. Here we go again. Cleanse, then get back on the horse. Please send encouraging thoughts my way. I could use the positive energy and love.
Your humble friend,
Michelle
July 6, 2009
Twenty-four hour juice fast almost complete. I have a headache and my stomach is growling, but otherwise, I've done very well. Every time I pass by the jar of dry toasted slivered almonds, I wanna grab a handful. But I haven't. And the peanut butter in the fridge is calling my name. Steph has hung in there with me, even asking me to pick up another box of vegetarian vegetable broth should we decide to do an additional day of a juice cleanse. I'm not even sure I want to do a second day, but if she's up to it, I'll probably go right along with her. I suggested we move into a day of raw food, but we'll see how she feels in the morning. We are both so exhausted and my eyes are so heavy. That with the headache I'm fighting means I'll probably have a long night of sleep.
Oh and we tried the POM pomegranate juice straight and ew, it was bitter. I'm not sure what it is that people love about it. We're gonna just mix it in to the cranberry and apple juice in order to not waste it and get in whatever good it is that pomegranate offers.
Food Intake:
- 16 oz orange juice
- 16 oz mix of no-sugar-added cranberry juice and fresh pressed not from concentrate apple juice
- taste of POM pomegranate juice
- 16 oz mix of no-sugar-added cranberry juice, fresh pressed not from concentrate apple juice and some POM pomegranate juice
- 16 oz Swanson's organic vegetarian vegetable broth (heated on the stove)
- 24 oz fruit smoothie - apple juice, fresh pineapple and mango, frozen strawberries, ice
- several swigs of water with lemon concentrate
- 16 oz mix of no-sugar-added cranberry juice and fresh pressed not from concentrate apple juice
- 16 oz orange juice
- 16 oz orange juice
Exercise:
none - we are both so exhausted
Weight: 277.8
July 8, 2009
Down 7 pounds. I made it 36 hours on the juice fast. I came home from giving plasma and nearly fainted. I'm pretty sure that my plasma was healthier yesterday than most of the other people in there, however, juice fasting made me feel extremely weak and tired. As soon as I walked in the door, I knew I was going to eat. I made a bowl of whole grain and flax cereal with almonds, raisins, agave nectar and almond milk. I had more juice in the evening, but then had celery with natural peanut butter. More juice and ended the night with a bowl of banana, natural peanut butter, raisins, agave nectar and almonds. Today I started the day with juice and just had the most delicious salad ever created. It was totally normal, the same stuff I've had on it in the past, but after juicing, it seriously tastes like gold. Steph is STILL juicing as of right now and at midnight tonight she will have made it 72 hours. I am beyond proud of her. She's down 6 pounds and finally has admitted she's proud of herself. She's a stubborn goat who refuses to acknowledge when she's done anything good. Hard to believe the woman I fell in love with 2 1/2 years ago, who lived on one meal a day from Popeye's or some other fast food place, is in the midst of an all juice fast. Phenomenal what changes a person can make.
Still haven't exercised. I'm depressed, tired and seem to not want to do anything but sleep and sit on the couch. The job situation has started to really add stress to my life and not knowing what my next chapter looks like is wearing on me. I'm trying to stay strong and hopeful, but it's a scary time and it's affecting every aspect of my (our) life.
PS Don't forget to enter the Recipe Photo Contest (Hurry! Contest ends August 14th at 11:59 pm).
Weight: 270
July 9, 2009
I didn't eat a ton today, basically a couple of salads, a banana, some roasted unsalted peanuts (in the shell), juice, iced tea, another banana with some natural peanut butter and almonds, agave and raisins. Oh and a mini bag of fat free kettle korn. Guess I did eat plenty, just didn't feel like it, cause I wasn't really in the mood for anything.
No exercise again. Kinda depressed, but think I might be on the upswing. Either that or I've stopped caring all together. No job still, but doing some work on my own businesses, art, photography and website work.
I received an email from a blogger today, asking if I would share a link to her raw superfood bar giveaway...She compares her experience with two different bars and then makes an offer to her readers for a goodies giveaway! Seemed like a cool thing to me and perfectly appropriate for the raw foodies out there! (Deadline to comment is July 12th --- ok, go flood her comments section.)
The Special K Treatment
July 13, 2009
Didn't eat as well this weekend as I would have liked. Steph and I are doing a 24 hour juice fast today. We're thinking we might like to do this each Monday as a fresh start to the week. We know we often don't eat as structured or as well on the weekends, as that is the time we have poker night with a group of friends, go out to eat and go to the beach. So we'll work to be more conscientious during the week and more relaxed on the weekends. We haven't smoked, so that's a good thing. We're trying to hold out until August 18th, when we go to Atlantic City for a girls' trip with 3 of our friends. We know we'll want to smoke while we're gambling, it's just what we like to do, unfortunately....I'm so looking forward to that trip. It's the first time in my life that I've ever taken a vacation with a group of friends. I've always been envious of people who do it, and now I finally get to!
I've been going up and down with my bouts of depression, but at the moment (and since Saturday morning I've been feeling much happier). The juice cleanse last week stirred up some emotions in me, but I'm feeling much more relaxed and confident about it this week.
Later...juiced until 6:00 pm, which meant I made it 18 hours instead of 24. For some reason very early this afternoon I got intense stomach cramps and had liquid poo --- not even diarreah...it was like I was peeing out my butt. Steph did NOT have the same issue today that I was having, so I'm not sure what I ate yesterday or what it is about me today that made this happen. I couldn't take it anymore and tonight when we went out to run errands, we decided to go to Olive Garden to have salad and minestrone soup. I felt somewhat better afterward, but until we went to bed, I was still having potty issues.
PS Don't forget to enter the Recipe Photo Contest (I extended the contest to end on August 14th at 11:59 pm, since I was negligent in sending the information to my mailing list).
July 15, 2009
Joined the YMCA today. I just couldn't take it anymore. I want to work out again. I want to jog on the treadmill and do the elliptical again. Remember how much I adored working out? I was obsessed and loved that my energy had an outlet. And I miss having that energy. So it's done and I'm financially committed to exercise. Oh and the very cool director of this particular YMCA allowed Steph and I to do a family membership --- she believes that if a lesbian couple would marry if they could, then they should be allowed to be considered "family." My thoughts are, why would you alienate a very large percentage of the population, missing out on a huge economic niche. If for no other reason than to make money, let the gays play at the YMCA (sung to the tune of..well you know).
July 16, 2009
Haven't worked out at the Y yet. Steph had guitar class last night, tonight is her guitar practice with one of our friends, and tomorrow night we're going to a free outdoor concert of Lewis McGehee in Norfolk at Waterside Landing (a great outdoor park along the docks of the Elizabeth River). I could go by myself during the day, but I kinda feel guilty going when she has to work (remember I'm currently unemployed). I have, however, been walking the last two nights - two different walks with the dogs. I take the two little ones (3 and 10 pounds) on a short 20 minute walk; then take the two larger ones (16 and 17 pounds) on a longer, mile walk. I keep thinking I'll go jogging after I get back from these two walks, but I haven't gotten up the motivation yet. We are planning to hit the Y Saturday morning, work out and then go to the beach for the day. I know Steph said she wants to take it slow, getting back to working out, but I am so pumped, I'm already planning my treadmill and elliptical workouts, along with a finishing sauna. Woohoo, gym here I come!
As for eating, I'm see-sawing. I've had large salads the last two days, but also have had several bready items and some mozzarella cheese. I'm hoping that my recommitment to working out (ie membership to the gym) will be a motivating factor in my food choices. I have no idea, though. I feel like the biggest broken record ever - in my attempts, reattempts, "failures," retries, etc. to lose weight through a healthy, nutritious lifestyle. Blah. I'll get there, but jeez, what in the world was I thinking letting go of the journey I was on - I was on top of the world, and nothing could have stopped me. But it did. Rather, I did.
July 18, 2009
Worked out at the Y today. The location we decided to go with is unbelievable in comparison to the shit hole we signed up at. We weren't sure what a nice Y was going to look like, but wow, now we know.
We started off with the elliptical machine, which had its own color television attached, with an outlet for my headphones and several dozens of channels to choose from. I was actually watching "Cocktail" while I worked out, and didn't have to look over rows and rows of others working out in front of me. I could be in my own world, focused on me and the movie in front of me. It was amazing. However, it's been a while since I worked out, so after only 10 minutes, I stopped.
Next we went to the bicycle. It, too, had a television attached to it, but this one was for me to choose from a wide variety of cycling tours --- I chose Evening Bliss, which was an early evening scene, through parks and trails with the sun beginning to set in the distance. I plugged in my headphones and was able to choose from a variety of genres of music. I rode for 2 miles and then switched over to the treadmill. Again I had a television with dozens of shows to choose from. I decided to instead plug in my Ipod into the docking station (which I assume charged it), and plug my headphones in to the treadmill station. I had read you can also plug your Ipod into a station at the entrance to the fitness area to download a workout which will guide you through working out while you are at the gym. Or something like that. How cool is that? Anyway, I listened to my own music while I walked and jogged and jogged and walked for 15 minutes. It was a really nice first workout, not too hard, but I definitely sweated and felt great.
We finished our time at the Y with a nice swim in the indoor lap pool and a 10 minute sit in the hot tub. After we showered and dressed, we used this cool machine that basically vibrates your swimsuits nearly dry. Oh the things that have been developed!
We're planning to go again tomorrow, and never planning to go to the crappy Y again --- this will be our "home" gym for sure!
July 19, 2009
Worked out again today. It feels so good!
20 minutes on elliptical
20 minutes on bike
15 minutes on treadmill
relaxing laps in the pool
Food still not under control. Going to stay positive about my new exercise regime, and know the eating part will come.
July 20, 2009
Another day of exercise. Another day of eating crap. Why is there such a strange dichotomy of my doing something good physical for myself and doing something horrible for myself nutritionally? Odd, but where I'm at. There has to come a time where I won't want to waste the exercise on merely leveling off the food I ate during the day.
20 minutes on the elliptical
20 minutes on the bicycle
20 minutes on the treadmill
relaxing laps in the pool
There's a few recipes with new photos submitted by readers. Enjoy!
I felt very sick and was having lower back pains yesterday. I'm not sure why, unless I'm getting ready to start. At the gym, I made it 10 minutes on the bike (after doing the elliptical) and had to get off and walk slowly around the indoor track. Then I walked on the treadmill, but didn't do any jogging at all.
20 minutes on the elliptical
10 minutes on the bicycle
walked 5 laps on the indoor track (1/3 of a mile)
20 minutes on the treadmill
relaxing laps in the pool
Another recipe with new photos submitted by a reader. Pictures help so much. Keep sending them in!!
Last night we went out to dinner at a marina/dock-side restaurant with 3 of our friends. After talking about how great the Y is and how much we are enjoying working out, one of our friends decided she wanted to join the gym too and start going with us. We were so excited! So today she and I went (Steph was working) and got her signed up. Because it was her first day working out, we took it easy time-wise. It was fun and I still got in a great workout, just by upping the intensity on the treadmill and elliptical. And Steph and I are going to do a quick workout tonight after Steph gets out of guitar class, and before the gym closes. I love working out!!!
Workout 1:
10 minutes elliptical (increased resistance)
2.9 miles on the bike
10 minutes treadmill (jogged 6 minutes of it - in 2 minute increments)
relaxing swim in the pool and therapy pool
Ooh ooh. Forgot to mention that after my friend and I worked out, we were both starving. I mentioned Kelly's Tavern, veggie burger and fries...she said she didn't want to spend money. So instead, I suggested we go back to my house and I'd fix us a salad. And that's what we did. I made us nice medium sized (only had one bag of salad mix) salads and we ate that with hummus and pretzels. Yum! And I didn't have the guilt and wastedness of eating a crappy meal after a nice workout.
Went to Virginia Beach to go with a friend shopping and then to work out. She wanted me to go with her to Trader Joe's and Wal-Mart and show her all the healthy foods, condiments, etc. we buy. It was so ironic to be helping someone else eat right, when we're not eating well right now ourselves. I am such a good "teacher," I'm just not the best at following my own advice. We got her entirely stocked for $59 at Trader Joe's and $64 at Wal-Mart. Not bad for setting up an entire kitchen. I would love to be a personal shopper. And organizer. The other day, another friend had me over to organize her home office, in exchange for a dental cleaning (she's a certified dental technician who comes from a family of dentists). Sometimes I wonder where I'd be if I'd kept myself on the raw track from the beginning.
I digress.
After we went shopping, we went to the gym, one we hadn't been to before. It was crappy compared to our "Taj Mahal" of a gym we normally go to. Tonight, Steph and I went to the gym again. Four workouts in two days, whew!
Workout 2:
20 minutes elliptical
20 minutes bike
15 minutes treadmill
relaxing laps in the pool and sitting in therapy pool
And not a pound of weight loss, cause I don't have the food part under control. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting money when I eat a salad or drink healthy juice, and then go eat french fries or ice cream. Blah.
July 26, 2009
Friday night we were going to work out and our friend cancelled, so we decided to make it a chore evening. Steph mowed and weedeated the yard, and I dug out two huge gardens lining our front side walk leading up to our porch, and planted plants in them. Now if the fucking feral cats, being fed by the crazy cat lady, will quit shitting in my beautiful gardens, I'll be a happy camper (yes, this animal lover is seriously irritated by them, and even moreso by their ignorant "non-owner"). I digress. We sweated like mad and ended up feeling like we got just as good of a workout as we would have at the gym.
Saturday we went to the gym and had a nice workout (did 30 minutes on the elliptical, then 10 on the bike and 7 on the treadmill, mostly jogging), Steph got a hair cut and in the evening, we went to a gay and lesbian pier party on the oceanfront. I started my period that morning and was thankful for the extra excuse for no new weight loss.
This morning, we went to the gym again, but almost as soon as we got there, my period overwhelmed me and I had forgotten to bring extra tampons. I was upset because I was actually raring to go and wanted to do a 45 minute elliptical workout. Instead I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes, did one universal weight machine (for my back) and walked several loops around the inside track. I then took a shower and sat in the steam room with "Cholesterol" in my extremely damaged "pool" hair, while Steph and our friend swam in the lap pool and sat in the therapy pool. I hate periods and was pouting about the crappy workout I had --- mad at myself for not remembering feminine products.
The rest of today we spent on the beach, our favorite weekend activity.
Eating still not under control; though I really want to work on it this week. I don't want to keep wasting our workouts on just negating the food we eat. I want it to actually make a difference on the scale.
July 28, 2009
Working out every day still. Feels great.
Eating crap every day still. Doesn't feel so great.
Not all day, every day, but still --- not enough veggies and fruit, and definitely not enough raw.
What a ridiculous way to live my life.
And yet I seem ever so comfortable living this way at the moment.
That's all I got for today.
New photos of raw recipes submitted by a reader. Keep sending them in!!
Almost August! Not that that means anything, but it's always exciting to me to start a new month. I still don't have a job, but have definitely been doing a lot of work it seems --- spring cleaning (in the summer, it still feels good), organizing and throwing away, working on various computer projects, working out every day, sometimes twice a day (like today). Still not eating great, but am not exactly trying either. The exercise is definitely doing something for me emotionally and physically though. It's so rejuvenating to jog on the treadmill, move on the elliptical, ride on the bike, lift on the universal arm and ab machines and then get in the pool and hot tub for a nice relaxing reward. I feel like a million bucks when I get out of the Y. Just not sure why that doesn't trickle over into my diet. Strange.
Didn't get to work out tonight. We were about to walk out the door when Steph got a work call, which lasted more than an hour. We had plans to work out then go to Jason's Deli for dinner before one of our friends was going to stop by for a visit. Instead we went to the grocery store to pick up some groceries for poker night tomorrow night at our house (a weekly event with our group of friends).
We're going to go to the gym in the morning and Steph, me and our friend all have appointments with a fitness instructor to get set up on the Y's digital fitness monitoring program.
No weight loss, though it does seem like my stomach is more flat and my muscles feel like they are growing or something. I don't know how to describe it, other than it's like a tight sensation and my skin feels more soft. So odd, but great.
August 1, 2009
Didn't workout last night. Steph ended up having to work (she's on call 24 hours a day), so we grocery shopped instead. Neither of us felt good about missing a workout, which I know is a good sign.
Had an excellent time at the Y today. Steph, our friend and I each had individual FitLinxx ("the computerized tool the YMCA utilizes to create simplistic programs, increase coach and member interaction, improve exercise efficiency, provide up-to-date progress reports, boost results and provide personal recognition") sessions set up with a Y fitness trainer. It was fantastic. What they do is set you up with a numeric code that you plug into the circuit training machines each time you sit down. They work with you one on one at each machine, getting it set up to your body and ability, and then showing you the range of motion and technique of each exercise. Amazing. Then on top of that, there's a computer in the fitness center where you log your cardio workouts, classes you take and any cardio work you do on the "outside," such as gardening, biking, hiking, dancing. You get points for each amount of exercise you do and those add up to awards you can choose, such as towels, t-shirts and gym bags. It is surprisingly motivational. I earned 722 points today and am going to take all the workouts I've done in the past two weeks and entire those in to the computer the next time I go in. I'm very excited about it for some reason. It's actually further motivation for me to be able to track my progress and log my time burning off the calories I can't seem to stop taking in.
Exercise:
25 minutes precor trainer (learned it's better than the elliptical)
30 minutes learning on the circuit weight machines
20 minutes precor trainer (I love this machine so much!)
relaxing play in the lap pool and therapy pool
August 2, 2009
Had the best cardio workout I've, possibly ever, had today. I did 60 minutes straight on the Precor Trainer (not calling it the elliptical anymore, cause I learned from my fitness trainer that it's an entirely different machine --- I thought they were all the same). I burned 676 calories and felt like a million bucks. I had watched the guy working out on a Precor next to me and saw his calorie count at 800 calories. I thought that number seemed ridiculous, and completely unattainable for me. I did the first 35 minutes and then decided to go for a full 60. It wasn't hard at all, aside from this crazy numbing, tingling feeling in my feet (which possibly could be from me wearing older, kinda crappy aerobic shoes).
Food intake today was interesting. Before we worked out, I ate a massive salad. When we got home, we didn't have any time to eat a late lunch/early dinner because we were going to the Norfolk Tides baseball game with the local GLBT group. At the game, I ate a veggie burger with french fries and a Mr. Pibb. Later, instead of eating anything else or having anothe soda, I chose a bottle of water. I had done really well the first half of the day, but at the game, a.) my options were limited, and b.) it's a ball game, and honestly, I wanted to eat ball game food. I did good considering I could have easily eaten nachos with jalapenos and an ice cream on top of my dinner.
My weight is currently 276. Weeks ago, I had gained back the juice fast 8 pound weight loss. So I've lost 2 pounds since I started working out. Not great, but it's not a surprise since I'm not giving the energy and attention to eating that I am to the gym. I can easily see myself becoming a gym rat again, given that I'm working out 6 days a week. But unless I change my eating habits once and for all, I'll never look like a gym rat. I think the fitness trainer was quite shocked at the amount of cardio I do and the ease with which I handled all of the circuit machines. To look at me, you would think I'd never stepped foot in a gym a day in my life. But exercise has always seemed to come easy for me, once I get into it. I can out lift, out jog, out climb some of the best of them. I need to be my own nutritional trainer. I know this.
Weight: 276
August 3, 2009
It's official. I'm a gym rat. And as for what I said yesterday about the best workout I've ever had. No. I was wrong. The best workout so far was today. I did 62 minutes straight on the Precor Trainer, 701 calories burned. Then we got on the universal weight circuit and did a full set of all 15 machines set up by my trainer. I lifted over 5,000 pounds (not all at once of course). I feel so amazing and proud of this renewed dedication to exercise!
Of course, having said that, I'll also say I had cheese pizza for dinner before the workout at Fazoli's, so I basically negated the workout, but oh well. What can I say?
August 4, 2009
I guess I should change the name of this website, huh? To something like, "The Tale of the Gym Rat." Or maybe more appropriately, "The Tale of the Gym Rat Who Still Eats Crap." Oh well, it's where I'm at, and from the emails I get, most people don't even read my journals anyway (lol).
Worked out tonight. Again. Nothing new there. 15 minutes on the elliptical, cause all the Precor Trainers were full. Then got on the Trainer once people started heading home for the night and did 45 minutes. Total calories burned for both machines was 635. I hate that the elliptical doesn't burn the same number of calories as the Trainer. I feel a bit obsessed already trying to shoot for 700 calories burned on cardio. I think that might be a bit too much to ask of myself, given that an hour of cardio really should make me happy enough...whatever the calories burned should be irrelevant. But I can't help it. It's in my core to be obsessed. We swam and sat in the therapy pool afterwards.
Although I'm still not keeping myself from eating crap, I have increased my intake of salads. I'm having between one and two a day and am actually enjoying them. I've been buying the nice, big, fresh heads of leafy green lettuce at Wal-Mart and they go so much further and are tastier than the bags of salad I had been buying in recent months. I made a monsterous salad for our pizza and poker night this past Saturday and everyone loved it! Steph particularly likes how I slice the lettuce really thin into strips, like some of the restaurants do. It makes it more tasty for some reason, than the large chunks that come in the bagged lettuce. I also like how I make up all the fixings for the salad and put them into various glass containers in the fridge. It's much easier and more likely that I'll have a salad, if everything is already prepared and all I have to do is throw the ingredients together. I have lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, mushrooms, green and black olives ready in the fridge. And then on our baker stand I have various jars of nuts and seeds, golden and thompson raisins that can be added on top for some crunch and sweetness. Plus there are about 6 or 7 dressings in the fridge to kill the boredom, but I admit lately I'm tending to eat the Light Ranch instead of my healthier vinegarettes and Annie's Goddess dressing.
I did lose another pound today, so that's at least a little motivation.
Weight: 275
August 9, 2009
Wow, have I really not posted in 5 days? I really thought I had...Ok, well let's see. Been working out every to every other day. Wednesday night we skipped cause we went to a local bar for a friend's birthday celebration. Thursday night we worked out. Friday night we worked out. Saturday we skipped cause...well I guess we were both feeling lazy. Today we worked out. No weight loss. In fact, according to the scale, I gained a pound. I was watching a tv show while on the Precor Trainer (Friday) about a woman who lost 100 pounds by not changing her diet, but by exercise alone. It gives me hope to think that the exercise I'm doing will help me lose weight, even when I'm not eating a high raw diet. We'll see though, cause in my experience it takes both!
Today we went to the beach after our workout and saw the coolest thing. This sport that we had never heard of was being "played" by a dozen people up and down the beach. It's called Stand Up Paddle Surfing and is now what Steph wants to do. Of course :) Somehow we'll figure out how to buy her a thousand + dollars worth of equipment so she can try out this uber-cool water activity (yea right, I don't think my unemployment checks will afford that). The gist of it is a wide surf board and a paddle --- the person stands up feet at a wide shoulder width stance and they paddle with one long oar, causing them to glide along the water as if they were skating on it. It's so amazing and peaceful. It reminded me of gondolas in Italy or something. I talked to one of the guys when he came out of the water and he said they had just seen a huge loggerhead turtle swimming near them while they were paddling.
Later as we were sitting on the beach relaxing after a swim, we watched dozens of dophin pods feeding just off the shoreline. I so love where we live!
Eating today was pretty good. Well for me anyway. I didn't stuff myself for breakfast, lunch or dinner - no seconds and kept my portions relatively small. I really do wanna lose weight, but I'm not putting a whole lot of thought into my diet. Just focusing on the exercise for now.
August 11, 2009
Worked out last night, but it was a lousy workout. Did 30 minutes on the stepper and that was basically it. And then today we didn't work out at all. Instead we went to the dollar movies and saw "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past." I'm feeling kinda lousy about myself at the moment. Steph read today a couple of interesting things.
1.) It takes 3,500 calories to lose 1 pound. Gulp.
2.) Take your current weight x 10 + your current weight. That's the amount of calories you would take in to maintain your current weight. To lose weight, you have to take in less. You'll gain weight if you take in more.
3.) The warmer you keep the temperature of your house, your appetite will go down. If you leave your thermastat at an uncomfortable 81, your appetite will be suppressed by 30%.
So basically...I don't know. Just thought I'd share.
Oh and 4.) Eating french fries and ranch dressing at the movies will not help you lose weight. Just an FYI.
August 13, 2009
Didn't work out the 11th or 12th. We'll see if I get to the gym today. We've had plans each evening, but being unemployed, I have no excuse not to get to the gym during the day. I'm feeling lazy, and that's not good. I don't want to lose the motivation I have had to work out.
Here's a recipe with a new photo submitted by reader, Rose. Carob Bark - Enjoy!
Also, I received an email today telling me about a new raw food book that has been released by Jennifer Cornbleet, author of Raw Food Made Easy For 1 or 2 People.
I'm feeling uber depressed right now. I just want to lie around on the couch and just watch tv. No motivation to do much other than eat. Why is it that my appetite is never the thing to go when depression hits? Exercise, chores, everything else seems to wanna fly out the window. But no, my appetite is as voracious as ever. Nice.
August 17, 2009
Things are going better for me. I haven't had a cigarette in 48 hours. I keep telling Steph that I don't want to smoke anymore. I have said that so many times before, but I've seen how depressed I've been whenever I smoked, so I'm trying to be more aware and active about my decision. The last two days I've been more focused, more alert and able to get things done. We also started working out again yesterday. We did 30 minutes on the Precor Trainer and then a full circuit of universal weights. Tonight we worked out again and did 60 minutes on the treadmill. I had injured my lower back last night after bathing our 4 dogs and through the night I was in intense amounts of pain. I kept Tiger Balm on it and finally gave in and took some Ibuprofen. Tonight I did the treadmill instead of the stepper to keep the pain to a minimum. No change on the eating front, other than I've been adding 1 to 2 salads a day. However, I should preface that with the fact that I put mozzarella cheese, light Ranch dressing and Morningstar "taco seasoned" meat on each of them. They aren't healthy salads, but at least I'm eating a lot of greens each day. The leafy green lettuce heads at Walmart are wonderful and so cheap that I can eat half a head a day, without feeling the financial guilt. I also eat a whole roma tomato with each salad I eat. They are delicious and firm right now.
August 20, 2009
Worked out Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Steph went to a baseball game with a friend tonight, and I stayed home. So I missed a workout today. But we'll be working out tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday.
I made it without smoking until yesterday. I ended up having one with Steph when she came down for lunch. I had one today before she left for the game. Sigh.
On the good side of things, I had an interview on Tuesday with a staffing agency and today had a second interview with the actual company I'd be working for. Keep your fingers crossed that I'll be offered the job. I'm so ready to be back in the work force!
August 30, 2009
Went to Atlantic City with three of our friends last Monday - Wednesday. Ate crap and smoked an insane amount of cigarettes. The last several days I've eaten better and only had 1-3 cigarettes a day. We bought a bunch of fruit and vegetables on Friday and I've had salads each day. They are very good, but I'm still eating light Ranch dressing on them. Tomorrow, we're starting back to working out daily. We're both ready to get control and get our act together.
August 31, 2009
Eating very well. Salad last night, fruit for dessert. Fruit for breakfast today and salad for lunch. I'm tired and depressed and just want to sleep. Going to the gym tonight. Probably will have a vegan soup for dinner, as I'm out of salad and am not going grocery shopping til tomorrow.
Later...we worked out tonight. 30 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the precor trainer, then the entire strength training circuit. We played in the pool and the therapy pool before showering and going home. It was a great first workout back after more than a week away. I ate remarkably well all day today and into tonight. For dinner, we had leftover corn, squash and zucchini with some sun-dried tomato cous cous and some skillet-heated asian mixed veggies/potatoes. I kept my portions reasonable and did not have seconds, as I normally would. For dessert, I had a yogurt that I had frozen, from a suggestion on the coupon I used when I bought it. It was sorta like ice cream, but was only 80 calories, and satisfied my desire for a real dessert. After the workout tonight, instead of a typical "fourth meal," I had an apple with natural peanut butter, unsweetened iced tea, then 3 saltine crackers with peanut butter and jelly, and sugar-free lemonade. Overall, an excellent day! And apparently my eating the last few days has paid off, as the scale showed I'm down 4 pounds, even after vacation in Atlantic City.
Weight: 274 pounds
September 1, 2009
Ate really awesome today, but it was more due to a lack of food in the house. Had cantaloupe for breakfast, an apple for lunch (tried it with some Smart Balance peanut butter I had gotten for close to nothing with a coupon, but it was disgusting and gave it to the dogs), and a few saltine crackers with other peanut butter and jelly. For dinner we went to Wendy's and I had a baked potato with a side salad with fat free french dressing. I did have a little butter and sour cream on the baked potato, and we shared Coke to drink. Ok, it may not look awesome, but it truly was in comparison to how I had been eating.
We went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and, as usual, spent way more money than we planned, but we got some great stuff...like almond milk, tofu, raw cashews, hummus (have you tried the Roasted Bell Pepper Hummus? it is quite possibly the best healthy thing I've ever eaten, and I load up when they actually have it in stock), frozen asian veggie mixes, and a variety of flatbread/melba toast-type crackers for the hummus. I also found a can of vegetarian chili and got Steph a turkey chili, and several "boxes" of Trader Joe's brand organic soups. The weather here instantly responded to September 1st, and made me feel like Fall was here, time to stock up on soups and chili, it seemed.
When I got home, I was famished and, I'm ashamed to admit, that I ate an entire container of hummus with crackers. Afterwards, I felt guilty as hell and Steph told me that could just be my "eating bad" night. I scoffed at that, knowing that although I way overate, it certainly wasn't going to take the place of a night of Mexican food.
I received an email today telling me about a new raw food book that has been released. Apparently it includes lots of recipes by famous raw food chefs. Enjoy!
Ate well all week. Lots of salads, soups, ezekial bread, hummus and fruit.
Had one of our weekend "bad" meals last night. Ate at La Tolteca (mexican restaurant), which is one of my favorites, and I had my usual. Chips, salsa, queso, flour tortillas with lettuce and tomato. I'm such a freak, I know. I love Mexican, but what I eat nearly every single time I go, doesn't really consist much more than some Americanized sides. I make these little vegetarian burrito wrap things out of those ingredients and just love it. I know. Steph doesn't get it either.
After dinner, we went to Borders, cause I had a couple of coupons for a free cup of coffee for each of us, at the Seattle's Best Cafe. I didn't know I had to try one of their new flavored (unsweetened) coffees. I reluctantly chose Cinnamon Swirl, as I can't stand flavored coffees (or teas). It was disgusting. I nearly asked them for my money back, but remembered it was free, and half considered asking them to pay me for the taste that was remaining in my mouth. Seattle's Worst is more like it. I had ordered a cookie with the coffee, which was the only saving grace.
Later we went to play pool at our favorite local pool hall with a few friends. I ordered my usual, Pepsi with Grenadine with lots of cherries, and snacked on the cherry, chocolate syrup and whipped cream concoction our sweet waitress brought over just cause she was bored and sweet. Within 10 minutes, the array of foods and drinks I'd ingested begun to create some internal turmoil. I switched to unsweetened iced and water the rest of the evening, but felt pretty blah all night. Oh and I smoked like a chimney at the pool hall. Nice, huh?
September 7, 2009
Had an entire weekend of movie watching and eating. Watched "Revolutionary Road," "Taken," and "The Reader," to name a few. Eh - about the first one, pretty good - about the second one, and excellent - for the third one. We've sat on the couch and stuffed our faces.
I've been surfing the net all weekend too, and have become even more interested in reading others' raw food blogs. There are about a zillion websites out there now, and about the same number of books on raw foodism. It's so surprising how common it's become, in comparison to when I went raw back in 2004. I keep thinking it's time for me to go truly high raw again, and really have nothing keeping me from it but myself. My own weakness has kept me from being successful living a raw lifestyle, and I need to work through it and get back on track. There is no better testimonial than my ability to easily and quickly lose 100 pounds being raw, and my equally astonishing ability to gain back 70 pounds by going off a high raw diet. I think about where I would be today, had I not let myself turn back into a lazy, unmotivated SAD eater. By now, I would have written one or more books, coached hundreds of other obese women (and possibly men) to losing the weight, and continued to develop my healthy self esteem. And who knows, maybe I would have had a raw restaurant or a gourmet food product line. The things I could have accomplished on top of the miraculous achievement of extreme weight loss never ceases to cross my mind.
Why do I insist on perpetuating the belief that it's hard to live a high raw life? I know it's not, I remember clearly that it's not hard to be raw, so what is keeping me from just doing it again? I felt so powerful, in control and high as a raw foodist. I want that back!!! I'm, once again, getting sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Hang in here with me. I'm gonna make a comeback sooner than you (and I) think.
September 14, 2009
I've been MIA the last week 'cause I took a full time, permanent job. I started last Tuesday and my schedule for the next two months while I'm in training is 4:30 pm - 1:00 am. So I've basically been sleeping during the day and just vegging out while I'm awake. It's going to take some getting used to on this new shift. The shift could be permanent, or it may be temporary, just for the training class. Won't know til the class is over what shift I'll be working permanently.
First day of class, we were doing some ice breakers where we tell about ourselves, and I told the class that I was a vegetarian of over 6 years. The response after "I could never give up meat," was the standard, "But you eat chicken and fish, right?" <sigh>
I found the From SAD to RAW website today in a couple of interesting places. Thought I'd share...
StumbleUpon (a cool site which people apparently post reviews about sites they find interesting and useful --- the first review of From SAD to RAW on the StumbleUpon site is from 3 years ago...very nice)
FashionTribes Raw Food Blog ("Enjoy Breakfast While You Stay Raw with a Delish Grawnola & Almond "Milk" Alternative")
Last week at work, I pretty much took whatever I could find at home for my dinner (which is around 9 pm). I thought I would hate having to eat dinner so late, but actually it seems to keep me from snacking too much at night, like I always did. Our breaks are scheduled, so it's not like I can just sit and eat my night away.
This week, my plan is to take salad each night to eat, so my scheduled lunch break will involve healthy eating. And although Steph and I are still smoking, I leave the cigarettes home when I leave for work, so at least I'm forced to not smoke for about 9 hours.
As for working out, we're going to the gym tonight, but this new schedule is taking its toll on my time at the gym. So far, my days before work have not included the gym. Steph sometimes goes by herself at night, while I'm working, but it's going to take some time figuring out how I'm going to make this work.
The pants and jeans I bought yesterday were 2 sizes smaller than the last ones I bought at the beginning of the year, but I still have 6 sizes to go to get back to where I was after I'd lost 100 pounds. I have a whole closet full of clothes just aching to be worn again. I miss my clothes, and the way I looked in them.
September 21, 2009
I've been sick, with what I'm assuming is the flu, for the last week. I'm going to the doctor in 15 minutes. This is a big deal for me, cause I don't like to do the doctor thing, don't really believe in it, unless it's a major medical catastrophe. However, with this new job, I can not miss one day of work for the first two months, and i'm progressively getting worse, so I have to go. I've been drinking a quart of orange juice a day, and adding EmergenC packets to the oj every day. A few days ago, I gave up using just "natural medicine" and added a daytime cough and cold pill. Then yesterday, I gave up again and added nighttime, severe cold and flu theraflu packets, which caused me to pass out within 10 minutes of drinking them. Today, I was so much worse, I finally called the doctor and got an appointment for this morning. I'm done being sick. My ears are plugged up, my sinuses are stopped up, I cough all day and hack up phlem, my throat is sore, I'm achey all over and I just want to sleep. Stay tuned for the doctor's opinion...
Update...the doctor ran a strep test and it came back negative...so he wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic and a cough syrup. He didn't give me any real diagnosis, but I'm assuming the antibiotic just means I have some kind of viral infection. I slept most of today and could keep sleeping all night. I'm just so tired.
September 25, 2009
Haven't smoked since 9/20. Today is day 5, and it's actually pretty easy this time around. I had one night on my way home from work (morning, if you consider it was 1:45 am), when I really wanted one. I told myself, "Fine, when you get home, if you still want it, you can have it." When I got home, I paused and headed upstairs to bed, and felt so good about that decision when I awoke the next morning. Steph is still struggling with it, but is now down to 3-4 cigs a day, so she definitely is trying. I commend her for it, and am not pushing her to join in with me. She'll get there when it's right for her, just as I did (though my being so sick all week last week certainly played into the jump start of quitting).
I've been eating a salad every night with dinner at work. I am working on portion control right now and am doing very well. I have a fear that my quitting smoking will actually create some weight gain, so I'm trying to be hyper consciencious about how much I'm eating. I'm still not doing high raw, but the idea is still floating around in the back of my head. I asked Steph to restock me on salad fixings when she goes grocery shopping for us tonight while I'm at work. If I keep the salads not only in the fridge, but pre-prepared and in ready-to-go containers that definitely helps. And eating it before the lettuce gets brown on the edges definitely makes eating salads more tolerable, if not enjoyable.
Not sure what my weight is, because I've not gone to do plasma the last few weeks while I've been ill. Will have to wait until next week to see if the scale has made any new moves.
October 3, 2009
Oh it's about to get good. I'm going back to high raw Monday. It'll be a similar percentage and intake as I was doing almost (gulp) 6 years ago. Steph is joining me somewhat. She won't give up steamed chicken and tuna, but will be eating salads and fruit every day, steamed veggies and lots of nuts and hummus as snacks.
We're going shopping tomorrow to get all that we need. I'm going to spend tomorrow afternoon throwing out foods and scrubbing down the fridge in a ceremonial attempt to cleanse the house and myself of the past.
I'm still working a crazy shift of 4:30 pm - 1:00 am, so the gym has only happened about once per week on my shared day off with Steph. I'm not too focused on the gym at the moment, because I know I need to regain myself and go back to the place I was on January 1, 2004. I remember that day and the excitement of a new life that awaited me. I told Steph I can't wait til the first week of weight loss and the first month of 20+ pounds of weight loss. The feeling we'll have from having our clothes fit more loose, our double chins looking less pronounced, and our stomach not feeling bloated and stuck out --- it'll all be worth it.
Woohoo, I'm ready! AND I'm going to journal my exact food content each day, since that seemed to help so many people so many years ago. And I KNOW it helps me to stay focused and not let myself slip.
October 5, 2009
It's here. The day I return to a high raw diet. I should preface this with the fact that my definition of high raw is 75% raw, 25% cooked. And I was never really good at math, so you figure it out. However, it's a radical change from our recent dietary choices, and yesterday was an extreme, yet not so far fetched, example of how insane we had been choosing to eat.
We had our "Last Supper" at Spaghetti Eddie's, a local italian restaurant that is quite simply the best Italian I've ever eaten. Steph had fettucini alfredo with a homemade twisted breadstick and a side salad. I had an eggplant parmisan sub with fries and a side salad. On the way home, we went grocery shopping for an array of healthy food options, and a "Last Dessert" addition of mini-cupcakes and ice cream with the chocolate Magic Shell we already had at home (can you say acute myocardial infarction?). I'm sure the Wal-Mart clerk was wondering what type of diet includes massive amounts of cow cream and sugar mixed with squash and zucchini, but some of you might understand this type of shopping.
Wal-Mart Grocery List: zucchini (1.13 pounds)
leafy green lettuce (2 heads)
celery (2 stalks)
gala apples (3.07 pounds)
yellow squash (.91 pound)
bananas (1.96 pounds)
mushrooms (package, whole button)
organic carrots (2 pounds)
tomatoes (two 3 packs)
golden potatoes (5 pounds)
guacamole (packaged in the produce section)
frozen orange juice concentrate
frozen apple juice concentrate
turtle sundae ice cream
mini chocolate cup cakes
Today I started out by weighing. I'm at 275, with another 100-pound weight loss goal. Last time I made a radical life change, January 1, 2004, I was starting at 310, so this time I'm starting 35 pounds lighter. On the one hand, it's nice to know I didn't gain back all 100 pounds I had lost the first time around. On the other hand, that first 35 pounds was the easiest and quickest to lose, which means this time, I might not see as fast the results as I saw last time. But I won't give up this time. I won't. My goal of 100 pounds in a year is attainable, considering I was only 33 pounds away from my goal last time. Knowing I can do it is a good thing for me.
As for how I'll be labeling my weight loss...I'm going to list that I've had a 35 pound weight loss, since I started years ago on raw at 310 pounds and am now at 275. Raw is how I lost that weight and the Standard American Diet is how I gained back 65 pounds.
Today's Food intake: - 1/2 glass orange juice (made from frozen concentrate)
- banana
- celery sticks with "natural" peanut butter
- cup and a half FiberOne frosted shredded wheat with almond milk
- unsweetened iced tea
- handful raw cashews, dry toasted/unsalted peanuts
- gala apple with "natural" peanut butter, golden and Thompson raisins, and toasted almond slivers
- 1/2 glass apple juice (made from frozen concentrate)
- celery sticks
- Wendy's baked potato w/chives & homemade salad: leafy greens, roma tomato, celery, craisins, toasted almond slivers, Newman's Own light balsamic vinegarette (pictured below)
- unsweetened iced tea
- cup and a half FiberOne frosted shredded wheat with almond milk
- a lot of celery and "natural" peanut butter
Weight: 275 pounds (35 pounds lost)
October 6, 2009
I read that people who weigh every day have a higher weight loss each week. Lucky for me! So I'm going back to my old obsessive ways of weighing each morning. Today it paid off. I'm down 3 pounds! Man, in one day if your body can shed three pounds just from stopping the SAD diet and incorporating the RAW diet, that has to tell you something.
I woke up this morning hacking and coughing up nasty yellow phlem. Oh and yesterday I pooped all day long (TMI, I know). Like every time I ate something, I had to go. It was ridiculous, and kinda nice knowing it was cleaning out my body of the crap I'd been eating. Doesn't take much for the body to respond, does it?
My stomach also already feels more flat (or is it flatter, I don't know?). I could immediately tell my physical body had responded when I stood up out of bed this morning. My gut wasn't protruding like it normally does.
So many changes in just one day! Man I've missed this. Universe, help me keep it up, please!
My colleague and I quit our jobs today. I got a call for another job offer and snatched it up. We went and had a celebratory drink, though I could only drink about 1/3 of it. Got a bit of a buzz and a headache from that little amount. It was more the idea than anything.
Today's Food intake: - bowl of banana, "natural" peanut butter, dry roasted/unsalted peanuts, golden and Thompson raisins
- unsweetened iced tea
- 1 1/2 c FiberOne frosted shredded wheat, almond milk
- unsweetened iced tea
- few bites of Wendy's plain baked potato with chives
- large handful dry roasted/unsalted peanuts and toasted almond slivers
- unsweetened iced tea
- 1/3 Corona beer with lime (celebratory drink with co-worker)
- rest of the Wendy's plain baked potato with chives, huge salad of leafy greens, tomatoes, celery, craisins, dry roasted/unsalted peanuts, Newman's Own light balsamic vinegarette
- unsweetened iced tea
- few handfuls Smart Balance popcorn with nutritional yeast
- cup of Yogi Chai Black hot tea with agave nectar and almond milk
- glass of orange juice (from frozen concentrate)
- 1/2 snack baggie of dry roasted/unsalted peanuts and toasted almond slivers
Weight: 272 (38 pounds lost)
October 7, 2009
Seriously. Another pound lost. Oh yea baby! And Steph is down 3 pounds. And that's not even the most impressive part. She's eating two salads a day. Not like two burgers with a piece of iceberg lettuce. Two actual salads. Proud doesn't begin to describe my feelings.
So today was my first outing where I desired crap cooked. On my way to my new job this morning, I happened to be an hour early, so I drove around looking for somewhere to get some wi-fi while I waited. Oy. There was Chick-fil-A, Burger King, Hardee's, Panera. All places that, just a few days ago, would have meant a stop-in and a very unhealthy ToGo order. This morning, I ate my banana, while sitting outside Schlotskzky's borrowing their internet connection. Blech. Does anyone else have to choke down bananas, eaten straight from the peel? I can enjoy them in smoothies, cut up on cereal or with peanut butter, nuts and raisins. But by themselves, ugh. So disgusting and I really do force myself to eat them by themselves. I digress.
So then the second time I desired crap cooked was at lunch, when I visited the employee cafe. I went there to get a fresh brewed iced tea, and had to view the grill, where pizza, grilled cheese, sweet potato fries and the like were calling my name. It didn't help that I had to eat my nasty salad, which had wilted beyond the point of human consumption. But I ate it, cause I wanna lose weight, and I wanna be a healthy vegetarian, and I want to stop the cycle. Yada yada yada...To those who preach how easy high raw is, I suck my teeth at you. Pullllease.
Today's Food Intake: - 1 1/2 cups FiberOne frosted shredded wheat with almond milk
- glass of apple juice (from frozen concentrate)
- unsweetened iced tea
- vending machine-sized bottle of Dole orange juice
- celery slices with "natural" peanut butter
- large handful dry roasted/unsalted peanuts and golden/Thompson raisins
- 1/2 salad: wilty leafy green lettuce, mushy underripe tomatoes, water-soaked celery, slimy carrots, and some decent cucumbers, dry roasted/unsalted peanuts, golden/Thomopson raisins, Newman's Own light balsamic vinegarette
- unsweetened iced tea
- gala apple
- Wendy's plain baked potato with chives, same ole salad: wilty leafy green lettuce, mushy underripe tomatoes, water-soaked celery, slimy carrots, and some decent cucumbers, dry roasted/unsalted peanuts, Newman's Own Two Thousand Island dressing (ooh, not vegan!)
- two glasses of water with "lemon hydration" water flavoring
Weight: 271 (39 pounds lost)
October 8, 2009
I must be PMSing. I could have eaten everything in the house, and don't get me started on everything I saw out in the world. I wanted the eight-hour old cheese pizza in the case at 7-11, when I stopped to cash in our lottery ticket (just 3 numbers, don't get too excited). I wanted the fresh rolls, bread pudding and square pizza at the employee restaurant, when I stopped in to make a brewed iced tea. I wanted a big bag of Doritos, when we stopped by Wal-Mart after the gym tonight to pick up some more salad fixings. I am having some serious urges.
I ate several items tonight that probably could have stayed off my food intake list, but I'm definitely not upset about it.
Oh and did I mention I lost another pound today. That's 5 pounds in 4 days. Yea!!! Not sure how my weight will fluctuate the next week if I truly am about to start my period, but it'll be interesting to see.
Today's Food Intake - bowl of multi-grain flax flax flakes, raisins, almond milk
- glass of orange juice (from frozen concentrate)
- unsweetened iced tea
- 5 oz coffee with cream and sugar (vending machine at work)
- 2 oz sample package of Bear Naked banana nut granola (dry - oh my that is good!)
- unsweetened iced tea
- salad with tomato, dry roasted/unsalted peanuts, raisins, Newman's Own light balsamic vinegarette, cup of tomato lentil vegetable soup from employee restaurant
- unsweetened iced tea
- gala apple
- vending machine-sized bottle of orange juice (brought from home --- fromfrozen concentrate)
- homemade mexican salad: leafy greens, tomatoes, corn, Morningstar ground crumbles seasoned with chili powder, cumin, garlic powder, salt; guacamole with tomatoes, squash and zucchini sliced into strips and cooked in water and seasonings in a skillet on the stove, few drips of light Ranch dressing, one flour tortilla
- unsweetened iced tea
- toasted ezekial bread with truly natural Smuckers peanut butter and Simply Fruit strawberry spread
- bowl of AllBran strawberry medley cereal, agave nectar and almond milk
- unsweetened iced tea
Wish I could list that I exercised tonight, but when we were at the gym tonight, I was walking out of the locker room to head to the workout area...and. I. Fell. I slipped and fell square on my knee. The top layer of skin came off and now I have a majorly swollen knee. After icing it in the locker room, we went into the therapeutic pool and then iced it again in the truck. I even rode one of those electric chairs when we went to Wal-Mart tonight to pick up a few groceries. Yea, "back up beeper" and all. Wow.
Weight: 270 (40 pounds lost)
October 9, 2009
I ate. And ate. And ate. All day. I could not be satiated. I even ate my lunch at 9:15 on my morning break. And then had another lunch just two and a half hours later. I haven't started my period yet, but it has to be just around the corner. I am craving bad foods, but it wouldn't really matter what I ate. I just keep wanting to eat. I've had 4 salads today. Unfortunately I've had non-vegan dressing dripped or drizzled on each of them, and some Morningstar taco-seasoned crumbles on top of two of them. I say "unfortunately" mostly for the benefit of my readers; because quite honestly it's not bothering me too much to have a bit of non-vegan dressing, if I've incorporated four salads into my day.
I lost only .20 of a pound today, but heck if I'm really PMSing, then any weight loss is fine by me.
Today's Food Intake: - bowl of multigrain and flax flakes with almond milk and raisins
- unsweetened iced tea
- salad of leafy greens, tomatoes, cooked corn/squash/zucchini, Morningstar taco-seasoned crumbles, Newman's Own Two Thousand Island dressing dripped on salad
- unsweetened iced tea
- salad: romaine, grape tomatoes, green bell pepper, cucumber, black olives, green olives, sunflower seeds, raisins, ranch dressing
- unsweetened iced tea
- vending machine-sized bottle of apple juice (juice from frozen concentrate)
- dry roasted/salted peanuts
- Wendy's side salad and baked potato with chives - attempted to eat it with fat free french dressing, but it was disgusting and I ended up adding ranch dressing, water to drink
- popcorn and 1/2 Diet Pepsi from the Target deli --- eaten while we shopped
- salad of leafy greens, tomatoes, cooked corn/squash/zucchini, Morningstar taco-seasoned crumbles, gauacamole, ranch dressing dripped on salad
- no sugar added cranberry juice
Weight: 269.8 (40.2 pounds lost)
October 10, 2009
Thank gawd. I started my period. At least I have an excuse for the amount of food I'm wanting and consuming. I also gained two pounds. Hate my period, but it's good to have a reason for my food cravings and weight gain. Next week should look really good on the scale!
Steph and I talked tonight at dinner about how foods that we used to consider uber healthy and undesirable for a meal, now we consider "cheat" foods and enjoy immensely. For instance, when I have a baked potato, it feels like heaven and as though I'm misbehaving on my "diet." And tonight when we were having a wonderful meal at a Thai restaurant, our dinners gave us a similar sense of happiness that a meal of breads and cheeses and fried foods would have, without the sense of guilt and bloated-ness (is that a word?). It's a fantastic feeling, and one that I now recall having when I would have healthy cooked foods back in 2004, when I first went high raw.
Today's Food Intake: - bowl of a mix of random Kashi, AllBran and multigrain flax cereals, almond milk
- Ezekial toast with natural peanut butter and SimplyFruit strawberry fruit spread
- unsweetened iced tea
- salad of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, guacamole, Morningstar taco-seasoned crumbles, cooked Mexi-seasoned corn, squash, and zucchini, drizzled Ranch dressing (I seriously could eat this 3 times a day)
- unsweetened iced tea
- dinner at Thai restaurant: two halves of fresh veggie summer rolls with peanut sauce, mixed veggies, steamed tofu and cashews in garlic sauce
- water
- bowl of a mix of random Kashi, AllBran and multigrain flax cereals, almond milk
- glass of no sugar added cranberry juice and apple juice
- Ezekial toast with natural peanut butter and SimplyFruit strawberry fruit spread
- unsweetened iced tea
- 4 clementines
- celery and peanut butter
- unsweetened iced tea PS Welcome Jackie Rawe, one of my newest readers with the coolest name!
Weight: 271.5 (38.5 pounds lost)
October 12, 2009
Yesterday I had gained 2 pounds. Today I had lost 1 of those pounds. I've been so tired from my period this month, that I haven't wanted to even journal the last few days. I've still been eating very well, but have felt weak and have not eaten as much as I need to. I'm still eating two salads a day, snacking on fruits, nuts, raisins, peanut butter, juice, Ezekial toast, etc. I've also been so hungry at work, that I ate my salad at first break and then bought a veggie soup from the employee restaurant at my actual lunch.
Saturday night, for our date night, we went to a Thai restaurant and I had mixed veggies with added steamed tofu and cashews. For our appetizer, we shared fresh veggie summer rolls with a peanut sauce. When Steph and I had both gained weight, I told her it was likely due to any soy sauce used to prepare the dishes. Oh and last night we went to the movies to see "The Hangover," and along with our two salads, we shared a small popcorn. It was so good, and I'm pretty sure they disregarded our request for "no butter."
I'm not going to list my food intake the last few days, cause I'm too tired to think. But it's been primarily the same, along with the few items I mentioned above. The only exercise we've done is we spent an hour or so working in the yard, raking and picking up leaves.
Weight: 272.5 (37.5 pounds lost)
October 13, 2009
Quick entry cause it's late and I need to get to bed --- I wake up at 5:30 am now for work.
I lost the two and a half pounds, so I'm now at 270. Worked out tonight at the YMCA. Eating great, but am eating alot. Can't seem to get enough to eat. I know it's cause I need even more veggies than I'm eating, but what I'm eating is what I'm wanting....
Weight: 270 (40 pounds lost)
October 14, 2009
Gained half a pound. I hate the food I'm eating. The salads are grossing me out. I even added some cheese to my salad at lunch today and it still tasted yuck. I'm having a hard time. Still eating well, but just don't want any of it. I'm choking it down, and then not feeling satisfied. Oh and my upper arms and groin area is achey from the rowing machine.
Weight: 270.5 (39.5 pounds lost)
October 15, 2009
Worked out tonight. Yipeee!! But ate Goldfish crackers and fig newtons for breakfast. Running late is not an excuse for eating bad, but it was my reason. Anyway, back to the workout. I did 60 minutes on the Precor trainer and it felt great. Burned 580 calories. Ate a Subway salad for dinner with one of the VeggieMax patties cut up on top. Lost .3 of a pound. That's my update for the day. It's late and I'm tired!
PS Art, I can SO relate to your post for today. It is a constant up and down struggle!
Weight: 270.2 (39.8 pounds lost)
October 19, 2009
No real news to share. Been eating salads twice a day, some cheese on some of those salads, sometimes with Morningstar crumbles seasoned with chili, garlic and cumin powders; fruits, celery, peanut butter, cooked Asian veggies and tofu a few times a week. No more weight loss. Worked out three times last week. Shooting for 4-5 times this week. I'm not feeling motivated, nor happy with results. I'm still fighting going truly high raw, thus the lack of true weight loss. Blah. Still eating light years better than we used to.
October 25, 2009
Ok, so I really have no clue how weight loss works. As of yesterday morning I weighed 269.4. This morning, I weigh 269.2. Read on to see why that's so bizarre.
Steph has been having a crazy hard time with eating healthy. She's been doing it, and way better than I have. I could see the last few days that she was about to hit her breaking point. She has lost 9 pounds, and struggled for every one of those. She really expected over the last 3 weeks to have lost closer to 15, so when she told me yesterday that she wanted to eat some crap, I completely understood. And being the slightly codependent person that I am, I chose to eat some of the things she chose to eat yesterday.
For lunch we went to Schlotszky's. I had actually gone, myself, a few times over the last few weeks over lunch, and already knew what I would be ordering. I ordered the veggie but on a wrap, minus the ranch, add mustard. The worst thing I did to the wrap, was I had them switch the mozzarella cheese to cheddar, cause I have to admit, I'm a cheddar addict. I ordered baked bbq Lays chips and had unsweetened iced tea.
For dinner, we went to Chick-fil-A. I ordered two side salads, a large fry and a medium coke. I had blue cheese dressing on the salads, so my meal was equally as unhealthy as hers (a chicken sandwich, fries and a coke).
To top off the evening of indulgence, we both ordered a cup of ice cream (mine with blueberry topping, hers with chocolate).
About ten minutes into the car ride home, we both were clutching our stomachs in pain and considering which form of death would be more excrutiating - a car crash or the feeling of this food working its way through our bodies. Once home, I fell asleep within 30 minutes, clearly a result of my body using every last bit of energy to process the crap I'd just eaten.
We both agreed that for anyone wanting to see why the SAD diet really impacts our bodies --- go for a few weeks eating really really healthy, and then go on a binge. You will definitely get the correlation and quickly understand why Americans are 1.) all truly lactose intolerant, 2.) tired and have no energy because of our diet, 3.) supporting the over-the-counter indigestion/heartburn/upset stomach drug industries.
So this morning, I woke up expecting the scale to read a five pound weight gain - which has been the norm in past trial-and-error experients of this kind. Instead, I had lost .2 pounds. Michelle, this is in NO way an indication that I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Instead, I believe it's the universe's way of telling me that if I stay on track and only eat crap every so often, I'll keep myself headed in the right direction. I'm just hoping when Steph weighs she will have a similar experience.
Weight: 269.2 (40.8 pounds lost)
November 7, 2009
My weight hasn't changed. Not up or down.
Brutal honesty alert: I'm really tired of this journey and of documenting it. I'm sick of the endless tracking of what I eat and how I exercise and how much weight have I lost and gained and lost and gained. From SAD to RAW started as something I did for myself. Then it was a way to show the world how much will I had to make myself a better person. Then it was a way to admit my failures. Then it was a way to regain my credibility. And I didn't do that. So now I just want to stop. Stop thinking about food, about weight loss, about how raw or not raw I am.
Not sure where I'm going with this, but don't expect much from me any time soon.
I will lose the remainder of the 60 pounds I want to lose, but I am completely unclear the method(s) I'll be utilizing to get there. And this site isn't really the place for it, since it's a "Raw" site. I don't plan to dismantle the site, because from the amount of traffic it gets, it is clearly filling a need for people searching for this lifestyle.
PS Leyla and Georgie have decided to stop journaling...
Weight: 269.2 (40.8 pounds lost)
November 9, 2009
Still here. Just took the pressure off myself to have to write and have to be raw. Which, of course makes me wanna write. Go figure.
We ran (and walked) a mile and a half tonight. We had planned to go to the gym, but I was so tired from raking leaves and digging up the gardens on Sunday, that we decided not to go. However, instead, I decided I wanted to go for a jog. I wasn't sure how much or are far we could go, but we actually did amazingly well! We'd jog a few blocks, walk a tad, then jog some more. We definitely jogged more than we walked, which is wonderful.
November 12, 2009
Ran again Tuesday night. Then went to the gym Wednesday night...ran on the treadmill for 45 minutes...well walk/jogged to be more accurate. Felt great. Then a Nor'easter came sweeping in and we couldn't go to the gym tonight or run outside. Blah. I talked about doing a workout video, but then we just sat on the couch instead. And I hate the feeling of not working out. What a great feeling to have!!! The feeling of having the feeling I mean :)
November 15, 2009
For some ridiculous reason, Steph and I get the Parents magazine in the mail. It's been coming for the last year with no reason...of course we didn't subscribe or pay for it. I rarely find anything of interest in it, other than a few recipes that I tuck away for those times I want to make something definitely not healthy. But today as I was flipping through it before it hit the trash, I found a few items I thought I'd share. Proud of Parents for putting some non-meat-related articles in their magazine for their readers.
The first one is about eggs...At this point, I do buy eggs to hard boil...but always choose organic, free-range, grain/veg-fed. This is a list of the various labels on cartons and what they mean.
Free Range or Cage Free: Means the chickens had some outdoor or floor access. (I actually assumed that meant they always lived outdoors on the ground. I hate thinking it could mean they just have some time on the ground, outdoors.)
Organic: The chickens weren't given antibiotics or grain grown with fertilizers or conventional pesticides.
Pasture-fed: Free-range chickens were fed on grain as well as pasture such as grass and clover.
Omega-3 Enriched: Laid by chickens given flaxseed or algae, each egg can pack 350mg of omega-3 fatty acides (regular eggs have 37mg).
I know many people do NOT eat eggs. This information isn't meant for them, of course...Just meant for those people who are still choosing to incorporate eggs into their diet. It's good information to know.
The other article I saw was specifically targeting vegetarians. Parents actually printed what so many of us already know. The American Dietetic Association as released a new statement that "a well-planned vegetarian diet is healthy even for babies and children." Kids who avoid all meat usually take in less saturated fat and eat more produce and fiber than their carnivorous peers. They tend to be leaner and have lower cholesterol too. It says that nuts and seeds should not be given to children until age 4. The various nutrients needed for a healthy meat-free diet can be obtained from the following sources...
Iron: White or kidney beans, spinach, whole-wheat bread, pumpkin seeds (to boost iron absorption, serve all of the above with vitamin C-rich foods like oranges, strawberries and broccoli)
VitaminB12: Yogurt, milk, eggs, cheese, fortified breakfast cereal (I tend to disagree with this, but it's what it says, so I'm including it)
Zinc: Sunflower seeds, almonds, tofu, wheat germ (add to muffins and smoothies)
Again, a lot of people may not agree with all of this information, from a high raw diet perspective, but it's still good that the vegetarian diet is getting positive and accurate representation.
November 30, 2009
Welcome new journaler, Ariella!
December 1, 2009
Just did the CardioMax Biggest Loser workout. Oh my god. That's way harder than our jog or the elliptical machine. I'm gonna go pass out now.
December 10, 2009
Been working out every day. It's either been the gym (elliptical), running in the neighborhood, or doing one of the Biggest Loser workout tapes. Eating salads every day, but generally those salads include some form of cheese and dairy'd dressing, like Ranch or Blue Cheese. Basically no real weight loss. A few pounds here and there, but I can see the weight redistributing throughout my body, so I'm starting to have firmer arms, a tighter stomach and a more toned butt and thighs. We're discussing New Year's resolutions...I always hated those, but really do get the idea that with a new year comes new commitments, change and a renewed dedication to health and fitness.
December 13, 2009
I read a tweet the other day about the Best of Raw 2009 contest. I happened to notice From SAD to RAW was listed in the nominees for the best website. If you agree, go vote!
http://tr.im/HjGs
December 27, 2009
Getting ready for high raw and quitting smoking on January 1st. I'm very ready and excited! I have the same feelings I had back in January 2004 when I went high raw the first time. I have 80 pounds I want to lose by October 2010. That's when Steph and I leave for a cruise to the Bahamas. I want to be in a swimsuit and feeling hot again. I have a lot of work to do, but have complete confidence in myself. I've done it before, I can do it again. This time I have a membership to the YMCA to kick the weight loss into even higher gear. We're doing a three-day juice fast Jan 1-3, then will hit high raw. I'm not sure what percentage of raw Steph will do, as I know she will possibly not be 100% vegan like I will. She will probably do 75% raw with me, but then incorporate some eggs, dairy and meat into her 20%. I'm just proud of her for doing any of it with me. Also, I'm quitting smoking 100% on January 1st. I'm not sure Steph has committed to that, but am certain she will minimally cut down to just a few a day. Who knows...That's her journey and her decision to make.
I'll be back next week to start journaling my journey.
